Love Notes See MY WRITING  for explanation of this document   A

30 Roderigo, in Othello. Types like that, such extravagantly love besotted fools, do not exist today. It is because we still understand such ideals, though we do not still practice them that Shakespeare will continue to mean infinitely more to us than, say, Kalidasa. The love ideal, deriving ultimately perhaps from the frivolity of Ovid.

136 Janov's Primal Scream and brainwashing.
Once broken down, Janov wants to begin the rebirth with a kind of unconditional love, such as is supposed to confront the child. Compare the love of God, the love of Jesus. Parent substitutes. Yet some Christians, as perhaps George Fox, may have been on to something better. The bad trip as very close to the puritan conviction of personal damnation. Escape from this, the discovery of the true personality, is traditionally expressed by Christian symbolism, but there may be something real underlying it.

141 Love and cruelty. P. says that one should regard women as 'crap' then one will be able to seduce them. Lack of self confidence may spring from too great a respect. In sexiness, an element of destructive cruelty, the cruelty that is a precondition of the continuance of life. This does not mean that love implies hate, but it does imply strong rejection. Love as implying some arrogant superiority. Masochist and sadist intensify this.


98 Why should one act out of duty, instead of out of feeling? Duty. Social coercion.
'Your country loves you'. The insidious nature of love.
Christian love. Christ as the originator of the thought police.
Of parental love, the demand for submission. The attempt to coerce people to behave uncongenially.

175 Love is an alliance against something.
The modern woman with her career. Needing to be assured of its value.

368 Question. How is love possible between communists? Surely the 'cause' is something over and above the individual relationship, which censors its potential to transmute reality? 'Comrades in arms'. There must be no doubt as to the truth of the cause, it must seem like God itself. It must seem as if all individual fulfilment comes from within the cause. But step outside it and what becomes of love?

371 Love. The bland. Originality.
The aspiration one has to some kind of excellence that escapes the norm.
A creativity that that surmounts the popular wisdom or cliché.
To escape this great cliché one has to yield to strong personal influences. Consider this, And consider love. Love is something far stronger than tolerance, it is almost a potential to remake the world.


274 At Katie’s "Life Training" thing, what I felt about all those people, so full of apparent love and good will to each other. I wonder about their political opinions, their views on drugs and law and order. How many of them support the imprisonment of drugs users and suppliers? So how phoney is their pretence of universal love? What does it amount to? Fantasy, hypocrisy, delusion.


87 ?

187 The more I consider Sentimental Education, the better I think it. Disillusionment of the hopes of youth. This is nothing really to get depressed about, because these hopes and ideals generally have so little substance to them anyway. The theme of unconsummated or unhappy love is a theme of western culture as important as the literature of deeds, and closely associated with it, as Arthurian. There is a frustration that is intrinsic to the human condition, and redeemable in memory. The ideal may be better than the reality Love ideal deeply symbolic of the human condition.

334 William James describes very logically and tautly what is shallow about the religion of healthy mindedness. When one contemplates the deaths of those who seem not to have accomplished anything, not to have aggressed sufficiently, not to have protested, one is conscious of futility.
‘Our lovers are corpses or wives’. (Swinburne) Love itself in its early stages may promise much, but a lifelong marital relationship cannot on its own bring fulfilment, partly because it is so universal. If there were salvation in the commonplace, all would be saved. There would not be so much frustration in the heart of things. Man needs to fight as well as love.


135 Attracted to woman, if this is reciprocal, you may think of her as possessing some wisdom. To reassure you in your time of doubt. But it may not work like this. If she is attracted to you, she detaches from the collective beliefs of society outside. This is because this is what you want, what you need. She knows that you want her to share your hope, your quest. You are not looking for a mother figure. And when you find she shares some of your attitudes you delight in her, you see her as wise, as visionary almost.
But her wisdom is reflected from you. And she can only provide the most limited strength against doubt.
You are not a bedrock of certainty yourself. You have your terrible moments. To try to cling to her in these moments is hopeless error.
She reflects what she has learnt form you. When you are lost, she is lost also.
This is the feminine principle you have sought, the mate, not the mother.
All faith you have cast away, and with you that she shares.
The mysteries of love are not be taught by many books. There is real tragedy here.

141 Life as a war of ideas, all against all. Strife.
The sexual relation is love, the opposite of strife. This presupposes some basis of harmony or concord. Intimacy presupposes agreement. With men, agreement is not necessary, because full emotional intimacy is not desired. With women it is, because women excite desire.
3 ways in which this might be achieved.
1 I agree with her
2 she agrees with me.
We both agree with something outside ourselves.
Both 1 and 3 represent a threat to my whole integrity to all my hardly won beliefs and convictions.
One of the most obvious forms of 3 in modern sexual relations is some form of communism. Surrender of individuality to the collective. Surrender of individuality to the collective. But I do find naturism works after a fashion. Bare nature, is an idea that I can agree with that is outside myself. Music, art, virtually anything else is too controversial

148 Reflections on schmaltzy music. The schmaltzy love song. ‘The folks who live on the hill'. These sentimental ecstasies of love and passion Yet how does one feel about a couple proclaiming its love in such a way? Like the operatic, designed to glorify and heroify the ordinary. But it is disgusting.
However strongly such people may feel what they say they feel does not redeem them in our eyes. Slithery slimy things mate. Slugs mate, and cling closely to each other. One may think of a mass of filth in love with itself. Very much in love with itself. Lovingly cloyingly.


344 Different ways of living in the world. The sick way. Seeing yourself as sick and neurotic insofar as you are maladjusted. Acceptance of morality. Taking the conditions of happiness as those set by the outside world. Experience of pain insofar as one does not match. Perhaps this experience of sickness rests on questionable assumptions. Disorder, confusion. The conditions of love. Sexuality is an expression of personality, of distinctive individuality. One’s conception of love is the fullest expression of one’s personality. Yet is meets with relentless and vehement opposition. One’s love is one’s cure and one’s will to power. Orthodoxy opposes this


340 Love and divorce. The sadness of divorce. The great sadness of the suicide of disgraced DPP's wife. How long it takes to understand woman and their need for love. Walter Duranty's poem is actually very accurate. So is not divorce a betrayal of love? But love does not last for long. Serial monogamy. Could one affirm this as an ideal? All the pain.
Pseudo wisdom of marriage guidance. Not to be trusted. Just a little look at history, particularly that of public attitudes to sex in this country. One modern belief is that we are now liberated. But we just have to look back on the quite recent past to see doctrines attitudes and behaviour which now appal us for their narrow minded and ignorant repressiveness. If we really are now enlightened, if there has been a real qualitative change so that now we are wise where once we were ignorant, what is our theory of that enlightenment? How has it come to be? Is it not just a question of shifting opinions, attributable to sociological factors?


117 Love for women. Love for the body, the naked body. Likewise love for the personality, the individuality, seen as a natural form. Understanding that may take years to acquire, and may become ever deeper. As the body to be loved needs to be stripped of its clothes, so the individuality needs to be seen free of accidental accretions, the networks of interests and concerns, of everyday involvement. Love as contemplation merging in nature only as unique and individual form. Think what has to be forgotten. In a sense the general, the common, the standard judgement. Pressure of alien will, alien world view. Discovery of natural form is real liberation. Naked reality to love, celebrate and affirm. In contrast to involvement in alien irksome interests, taking as reality as mass of uncongenial judgements.


19 Love & sex. Love excites the hidden powers of the soul. It may do this even when unrequited, unsuccessful. But he sex frustration aspect of this is not fruitful. It may be good for the lover to satisfy himself with whores. Or whatever be his taste.

273 Interviewed a woman today who had a beautiful little daughter of two you recalled strongly what I find attractive in some adult women. A certain childlikeness of manner. She comes up to me and stares. I smile at her. She smiles and runs shyly to her mother. Importance of love in upbringing. Advantage of a child who received it over one who does not. Simply habits of enjoyment.

321 The quest of the rose. (Roman de la Rose). The symbolism is more open and transparent than in the grail legend. What can surprise is the strength of secular values in this supposedly all religious society. How one could become wealthy by working hard at one's business, just as today. Healthy affirmation.
Letters of Abelard and Heloise. What strikes here is the strength of individual self assertion that seems to contradict the explicit Christian insistence upon abnegation. Individual personality comes across as something Abelard and Heloise valued quite strongly. Such a value can seem anti-Christian, certainly anti-monastic. It seems to suggest quite serious heresy, of kind which I find sympathetic.
The rose has a healthy mind. Religion is not really opposed to the world, it coexists with it, sanctifies it, offers some salutary moral criticism.
This could also be seen as the spirit of the cathedrals, certainly something like Amiens.
But her heresies of the religious life go further than this. It is cleverness that makes for real heresy. One sees self assertion pushed to a degree where it must threaten the purity of the doctrine. Spiritual pride. Was there to be a place for this in mediaeval Christianity?
Anyway, the quest for the rose. The trials and difficulties faced. The despair. The role of hope. Hope revives. Perhaps his lady speaks to him, says something favourable, reviving his hopes, drawing him on.
It could be that he's mistaken in this. But that is the risk that must be taken.. to persist through even the darkness of near despair is noble and heroic. The stuff of all love poetry.
The monastic ascetic ideal. It can seem to have a good point, until we appreciate that heresy has an even better point. It can seem to be a form of sickness, expressing the will of an odious breed of people Then again it can appear as the great challenge, the great obstacle and spur to life affirmation. A game.
The Rose. She can play with him. He places himself at her mercy to an extent. If she wants to play with him, exploit him, he lends himself to that. Even that is pleasure.


3 Love poetry. The emotion that derives from the will, from a clear desire. Yet the will being obstructed, the emotion comes to acquire a value and fascination for its own sake. One gets a false and uninteresting emotion, as in the Cowley poem My Dyet,. Eliot- observe the cleverness and vapidity, an inferior Petrarch.
What is more interesting is when a decadent emotion can be put to some effective use, still serving the will in some still aggressive way.

20 Von Hartmann. Love as ceasing with possession. Desire to merge of lovers realised in their child.
H. on love. It will disappear from society in the mediocre future. This will mean an increase in happiness, because love involves more pain than pleasure, even though the pleasure is intense.

247 Thesis:- The foundation of society is hatred. Love is only the satisfaction of hared. We have to understand this, in order to place ourselves properly in society. Music, for example, is all war. The offensiveness of other people's culture is deliberate. The young fight back against the old who have oppressed them as they grew up. Their music, in which they glory in their young sexuality, is designed to humiliate their elders. Society is race against race, class against class, nation against nation, generation against generation, sex against sex. The ideal of love is the most oppressive of all, because it stands for the triumph of some cause that is concealed. It therefore aims to internalise aggression, turn it into depression
We have to understand what kind of society we live in., Otherwise it depresses us as we fail to meet up to the standards we have to accept.


8 De Montherlant, Young Girls, one of those books described by Gilbert Highet as 'repulsive' and the mark of the death of the convention of romantic love. The judgement is true, but the novel is a masterpiece. Disturbing. Costa is a very unpleasant character. Sadistic in a particularly horrible way, because motivated largely by vanity.
Yet this is an exploration of a very French way of being. There are different ways of being a philanderer. That of Walter (My Secret Life) is strongly appealing. That of Costa is vile. Even his cruelty largely springs from affectation and pose.
Nihilism, pessimism and cynicism that runs so deep.
Not the kind of cruelty in which one takes pleasure, which one sees as liberation from oppressive morality.
This world where there is like a worthless value. This man's genius. There 's a world of darkness and delusion A pessimistic vision. Andree, Therese, Solange.
The superficiality of this man and all his values. His reduction of all values to his own conceit. The success of his affectations.
This stereotype of a lady-killer. This French ideal of love.
Erotic obsession. Men and women living with these values. Andree one sort of believes. A woman on her own, driven by obsession.
Possibilities of the human spirit. This passion, so exalted in French culture.
In a way that is part of it. One of the factors that promotes the extremity of the obsession.
Racine, La Rochefoucauld, Stendhal.
Idea that in this is true living, fulfilment. This absence of the guilt one might find in England. This cult of love that overheats it. That makes certain rather animal reactions seem noble, tragic, beautiful. Making for all the more sordidity through failure of communication.
Andree, pathetic figure.
The seducer. But not the mere seducer. Very much a role player
Andree. Not tragic, but painful, agonising. So much frustration

236 Martin Eden. London’s characters. Lack of the daemonic in any class. Reading the literature of class division, one often misses what one finds in real life, the humour and robustness that puts all this into perspective.
Love postmodernism. Martin’s love for Ruth and vice versa. In these days of sexual health, what value would one put upon it? Love without consummation, merely frustration.
The culture we have now, devaluing the past.
Joy of the moment, of one’s glory, of one’s youth. Like the importance of preserving this memory. But the threat to memory presented by culture. The devaluation of memory. Postmodern culture. Insistence on the insignificance of memory.
Worthlessness of Martin’s love affair with Ruth. Unconsummated, what was it but painful desire and frustration? So much of life painful unsatisfied desire. With occasional consolation.
Schopenhauer, Hardy, Gissing.
Applying modern values of health to the past, and the culture of the past.
Nature of the female. Standing provocation, one has to learn how to deal with.
Healthy, virile viewpoints, physical perversions, mental aberrations. The schizoid.
Different ways of coping with the threat posed by the female. Martin Eden’s crude health. But isn’t there something lacking in that way? Something not understood as to the most sinister nature of the threat? Of every possible demoralising power?
Comedy in Martin Eden. His attack on Judge Blount, his quoting of Weininger while supposedly in love.


215 Shaw's criticism of the 'uxoriousness' of the idea of the supremacy of sexual love as a value. (The Perfect Wagnerite) Wagner's success in stimulating the emotions involved with sexual desire.

AR 99 Hamsun, love. One can even feel the possibilities of love are blotted out in the modern world. What is love but memory? Victoria dies. That can be said to make it more beautiful. The normal scenario is she marries someone else, has kids, and what was her love for him? His poem, at best. Possible interpretation.


111 It is written that the greatest frustration for a man is to feel that he is not a man, and the greatest frustration for a woman is to feel that she is not loveable. People who need to be loved, assured by another person of their own intrinsic worth and desirability. In our insecurity we turn to some other person to tell us what we are that is good. It is difficult for someone to sustain an opinion on themselves solely from the fountainhead of his own mind. In oneself one has not so much a fixed opinion of oneself as oscillates between hope and fear. In being loved one finds an objective justification for the hope, one fixed point where the image of oneself is fixed. Sometimes political leaders can supply this love. Kangaroo, Uncle Joe, Mao-Tse-tung, the Fuhrer.
See the need for human incarnations of the supreme God principle, as with Jesus and Krishna. They supply the need for a kind of Absolute security.


104 Arnold Toynbee writes of love as the main purpose of human existence. People like to tell you they are motivated by love, as if thereby they will encourage you to trust them. To find love as the root of all religions is meaningless. The different religions undoubtedly do not all teach the same thing. I admit it might be possible to find an abstract schema which might be made to apply to each of the religions and make it appear as if they had a common doctrine. But such a schema would be intrinsically empty, a set of symbols which have not been given content. It would veil differences by mean of its total vagueness. 'A certain something' ‘a mysterious beyond' pious vague expression which could be filled out in innumerable quite contrary ways. And yet with religion we can perhaps always create a new one (such as was Sikhism) by constructing a universal so general that it applies to all of several religions one wants to synthesise and then worshipping that. Sometimes God can partake of the nature of a Platonic universal. Or a logical construction. But everything that accrues to this new God, whatever worlds of feeling and morality, will map out a distinct and new sphere of religious experience.
Love is the Law Love under Will. The 'under will ' is crucial. Why are we always being told to love, to abandon ourselves. We are told to yield abandon ourselves to truth. But if there is no truth? We abandon ourselves to the will of others. Anyone who wishes to push his own system of truth will exhort us to yield ourselves up to it, as if by simply yielding ourselves we discovered the truth of his system.
If I love, will I be yielding myself up to be controlled by truth, or by an alien will?


245 Caritas. A psychological device to open the mind to real facts which would otherwise be closed to it.

297& How the great concepts of the past came to be given narrowed down, modern interpretations, far less in their expressive power, and to which the majority easily conditioned as they are, more or less tidily fit. Think what love meant to Ovid and the supposed refinement, really debasement, the word has gradually undergone.

309 Nietzsche was wrong, speaking of freedom as a plebeian virtue, to say that the aristocratic temperament showed an urge towards discipline and constraint, and that this was shown by the love cult where servitude was what was desired. Servitude was not what was desired, it was satisfaction that was desired.
Love, a kind of fertilisation of one's being, one loses one's confidence and power in the hope of regaining it later to a greater degree.
Mediaeval love poetry. Simply a song and a celebration of life it was, a hymning of the instincts

313& Malory. The love interest in a man's life, often an unhappy one. Kings and courts and the restriction of freedom. Curtailment of vengeance drama.
Spiritual fertilisation offered by love. This aspect of the love ideals of the knights with their deeds. The final and ultimate sexual union of the holy grail, fertilising the whole land. Yet love had all to do with deeds, it would fertilise the knight in the accomplishment of his deeds, in respect of which he was powerfully independent and individual.
The stylisation of the love cult ensured that it had a very definite and necessary part to play, the inspiration of creative energy and culture. No mere self indulgence or ornamentation. The root of a possible culture and civilisation. Far more serious than was later understood. Courts instead of freedom. Full into the fertility religion as a real religion.


263 A bishop's sermon saying that when we grow older we find that the love of family and friends is the one thing that is really valuable to us.

266 The vast numbers that perform the servile and degrading occupations (here I think principally of the richer sections of he community). Class member ship tells them what is acceptable. There is no aesthetic, no philosophy behind it, or if there is it is an utterly degraded one. Say they live for love, as viz. the bishop's sermon, what is the love of one pig for its fellow? They have never thought, they just get carried along.


183 Joyful Wisdom 363. ‘A man who loves like a woman becomes thereby a slave, a woman who loves like a woman becomes thereby a more perfect woman’. People regard this as immorality because it is an egoistic ideal, Men force themselves into a traditional pattern of chivalric or romantic love (the origin of which was essentially allegorical) partly because of their unnatural moral ideas. If a man is a creature of great sensitivity, he will sense immediately what he requires and what woman requires, and guide her into this path. He knows what woman is, he knows woman is different to man. What he knows to be unthinkable for himself he will will for woman. She may reproach him as selfish, as tyrannical, but she will yield. Self determination is for man alone, the freedom of woman is the freedom to abandon her freedom for some man. It is this aspect of woman which disturbs many thinking men when the contemplate women in politics.


217 Different kinds of women. Women one would not touch with a bargepole, women one could fuck, women with whom one could have an affair, women one could perhaps love.
Following on what is being, what is love? Is it perhaps, not so much an emotion as a kind of commitment? One of the ingredients in a language game, or a mental dance? Say one loves and did love a woman. At one time one treated her callously. But to an extent it was her own fault, she should have had the skill to draw out what she wanted.


12* Learn that hatred must allow itself recognition. Only after hatred comes love. ‘The urge to destroy is also a creative urge’ (Bakunin). Life itself appears to be an evil phenomenon. Important to allow expression to the emotions it arouses in us. Not necessarily to act on them by any means., But this is the path to satisfaction an to power, Life as profoundly ambiguous. One has to be able to enjoy it, even, perhaps, most especially, when the worst things are happening.


120 Ordinary people, love and infatuation. "Is it love or is it infatuation’. Comic dichotomy. ‘Love as the masses understand it, a sound basis for a marriage and a life together, Channelling of the sex drive.
‘interest in girls’ All accumulated evil impulses, selfish sexual urges, to find a happy outlet. Why should love be a satisfactory basis for marriage? After a while love must be slaked, perhaps to be replaced by something else. But what do the masses understand by love? Is it a kind of obsession? What is infatuation? A less comprehensive obsession? Or is love just a satisfactorily consummated sexual relationship? Something which works and on which one is prepared to put the verbal seal of love? Love is claimed for every such relationship, In the minds of the masses it must be something which confirms and strengthens the values of the masses. The massive power of socio-cultural suggestion makes it the emotional bond of the ‘sacrament’ of matrimony. Once you are into the trip, you are guided by the power of convention into accepting the whole package, marital bliss and all that goes with it. " Love’ to the masses, not so much something in itself, something wild and unpredictable, as the emotion which leads into connubial harmony. That is virtually its definition.


127 How can people advocate free love if they know all it means? What indescribable envies and jealousies are stimulated? What suicide? In small tribe of savages, all may love each other as members of one family. But complex situations stimulate complex emotions. How can anyone pretend to love the entire human race?


40 Changes of meaning in words. What was once called love is now called sex. Love and sex are concepts that have been parted.

79 J furious with D for abandoning her. Hell hath no fury etc. Those who love one, appear to single one out, confirm one in one's self image. For that singling out, that support to be withdrawn is a shattering blow. To be relegated to the herd again, no longer special. Little is more painful

183 A woman in love with you can give you the experience of complete self worth.

268 Love is an enjoyment of your own personality in interaction with another's. It is a kind of self discovery, an affirmation of all you have become.


1 ‘Love is the law, love under will’. Power of love to recharge life. That’s what all these born again Christians are doing, trying to get their second wind. Most Christians are only loving in a very specialised sense. Catholics for example ally themselves to a monstrous engine of repression. But we could do better.
Living more in the hating than the loving mode, My ambition in life is my idea, my thought, which I wish to promote, and I tend to see women in particular as enemies of my thought, my idea. Concentrate on producing the most systematic and logically coherent presentation of my thought, my idea yet. Try to practice love too. Oscillation between some degree of enlightenment and darkness desire and ignorance.
Ideas, beliefs, the things which get civilisation moving and bestow some kind of control over the future.


103 When one is filled with love one will not wish to break the law, except when the law is unjust. The law gives you parameters. Greek god. Cruelty. Simply the cruelty of any powerful natural force. Not the cruelty of titillation, therefore love and compassion. The universal something that everyone may and does share.
It is only in love and compassion, the suspension of all animosity, that such supreme aesthetic experiences are possible.


7& What is love anyway? On many modern theories It is merely a morbid exaggeration of the sex instinct.
A beautiful fantasy and a mutual one. I protest. Only room for one like that in a lifetime. Sublimation, frustration. Not entirely and absolutely bad. The apparent newness and originality of the situation, means there are no authorities to fall back on. No marriage codes we accept, no bohemian codes, no traditions of illicit love and flirtation. Etc etc

20 Blake's Jerusalem. A benevolent universal desire. Sough a vision of loving harmony is only really intelligible in the light of all the very violent impulses that have preceded it. Such a vision is only not threatening insofar as I know that I have exorcised it with rage. Rage is the response to being threatened. Selfless love is only possible on a basis of not being threatened. See how and that love can be an oppression, even the greatest oppression of all. Ministry of Love.

81 In the film the Long Good Friday, the gangster seemed to recover his poise and resign himself to death. Bu the had just seen his wife also carried off. How could man adjust himself to that? In the hour of his death, I suppose he could. When you die you leave everything You have to be able to do that, or you are no better than Zinoviev and Bukharin. Love, for spouse, child, mother, father, cannot be the highest virtue for a man, though it is for a woman, in the order, child, spouse. For Emilia to betray Iago would be despicable if she was really supposed to love him. A woman has no higher loyalties than to her children and to her mate, a man has no higher loyalty than to what we many call his conscience, or his daimon

176 Following last nights entry, and irritating thought block, which was resolved by deciding to love this class of people. A rather wide feeling of love, opening up new pleasurable experiences. Love of women. Images of women who invite me into their homes in various states of undress.


168& Consummated love lacks something of the literary interest, unless it leads to murder as in Therese Raquin.
‘Our lovers are corpses or wives’ wrote Swinburne.


51 T wrote a poem. To paraphrase it. A woman regrets having married so young, having given in to sexual desire. She is worried that she might be getting too old to have a baby safely and successfully. She wonders whether this day should be allowed to pass like any another or whether she should try to get pregnant by the man she is married to , whom she no longer loves, for whom she seems to feel a certain contempt (though T says it is not contempt, but rather a sort of compassion) and who still has love for her, fixated on an image from the early days of their relationship.
The woman's point of view. T’s point of view. An adulterers point of view. T as sentimentalist, saying he no longer believes in sex without love, and that love is once in a lifetime.
View of human relationships, style of perfectibilism.. Adulterer's concern with human fulfilment. Concept of repressiveness. To say one is repressive if one does not accept the validity of such and such a point of view. The 'validity' or the permanence. The idea that the viewpoint should remain at the end of the discussion.
What a passing mood? What is a mood that ought to pass? What is a mood that ought no to be allowed to pass?
Perfectibilism, idealism. DH Lawrence, Lady Chatterley, his influence on the American divorce rate.
To be repressor . Man and woman. Man as inevitably, from some point of view repressor. From the viewpoint of the adulterer the husband must be repressor.
What is mental dominance.? From the viewpoint of the single. The adulterer, he is opposed to mental dominance, which he sees as repressiveness. Perhaps he has a fantasy of the perfection of love, a mutual coming together, perfect harmony

54& In T's case. An adulterous affair. The girl was confused, he says, racked by guilt.
In his ideal picture of that, the guilt about her husband should not have been there. ‘She was living with a man she did not love'.
True love is forever and he had true love. His ideal. Involving filtering out all that does not match up to it. To condemn reality by means of the ideal. The ideals of the adulterer (variety sincere) . The promise he holds out. Harmony, even eternal harmony, between two souls. Perfect freedom through perfect love. Reconciliation of difficult forces. 'You will please me best by pleasing yourself best'.
What is the ideal, what is the beauty of the ideal we should uphold?
This true ecstasy. Zeus takes no heed of lovers vows.
Things will change, love will change. Are you still to uphold the ideal that it ought never to change?
Even where it leads to disaster the ideal is still upheld as beautiful, healthy, etc. But is it really so?
Consider in the light of all this, what might be G's view of me. In our case, the relationship is hardly a co-operative effort. Constantly I have to resist the point of view that she puts to me. Why ought I to accept that point of view of hers? Hypostatising points of view.
A point of view that might be a phase of development, or a phase of an argument.
What a woman feels, what she says she feels, what a child feels, what it says it feels.
To hypostatise, or let her feel you agree with her, that is like abandoning her, letting her down.
For your point of view, even if it is completely opposed to hers, and she pours scorn on it, insisting it is completely wrong, is nevertheless as possible terminus ab argumentum.
Does she know with what point of view she might finally settle down? What is reality for her? Is not her struggle a part of the reality?
Take her hostile, negative point of view. What could be 'real' about it? It is an analysis of a situation. But what kind of analysis? Does it not contain a most intrinsic 'ought'?
'this is wrong, I ought to leave, I feel or don't feel such and such'.
What you feel can always change. And even the present facts about present feeling appeal to be mutable, variable according to what interpretation you put upon it.
This might seem like a sort of Hegelian idealism 'the evolving nature of truth'.
What is the reality of a situation?
There is an adulterer’s reality. His 'ideal' his hope, his concept of truth and nobility.
His argument that one should leave off all attempts at mental constraint, that she should throw it off and yield to her 'real feelings' ( i.e. his view of reality)
The revolutionist idea that the people should throw off all constraint, all tired old thought patterns.
Yet they wind up following one simple pattern, namely his own.

81 In the best kind of lovemaking, bodies fuse, they say, or souls may interchange, so that I can become her being penetrated by myself and vice versa., I love her and she loves me and I can become her loving me and she can become me loving her.

91 What Christianity brought into he world, was the idea that one viewpoint can be made to prevail.
The Imitation of Christ. Catholic spiritual despotism.
The idea of making a single point of view prevail over all by wiping out all other points of view. Thereby somehow creating truth of reality.
The Jacobin ideal of a restored Roman Republic was no more than a fantasy, to be achieved by blotting out all alternative interpretations of its reality. Creating reality by imposing a fantasy upon reality, is this not the Christian contribution to world history? The idea of imposing a fantasy was not quite classical. Nor was even Plato guilty of it.
One may appreciate someone from a Machiavellian, i.e. a classical point of view. But this is not the appeal of a doctrine like communism, nor is it the source of the continuing enthusiasm for the French revolution.
Belief, faith, that is the key
An emotional attraction, or love. Love, identification with a point of view and what it promises.

353 ‘Evidently she plays games' But what game she was playing was not at all clear to me.
It was unpleasant (if also in one aspect pleasant) to feel her superiority to me. Something in her I could respect and admire. Her experience, her apparent exploration of aspects of life in which I felt myself little more than a novice.
The only way I could bear this feeling of admiration would be to arouse in her some reciprocal admiration for qualities of my own.
To feel such admiration, while she felt such indifference, flattered and amused by my interest in return, seeing me as just another male, was an intolerable feeling. Yet what right can anyone have to expect another person to feel interest in them? T says that she sounds like a member of the PTA (prick teasers association) .
But the development of my obsession was like getting my signals all scrambled and this mating behaviour is not such a straightforward matter as is often described. Etc etc


35 Love and aversion. Desire not necessarily the opposite of aversion. Love not the same as desire.
Need to find emotional satisfaction. Love taken as emotional satisfaction, as affirmation.
Sometimes through art.
Importance of memory.
Emotional satisfaction comes largely from memory of course.
So it is a lot to do with what you hold in the memory. What one finds emotionally satisfying, of course, relates to what one finds frustrating.
What is satisfying, as distinct from merely arousing, can be said to involve love, i.e. affirmation.
Affirmation of form, perception of beauty, all coming to the same thing.
A series of vignettes, visual images preserved in memory, all involving outreach of sympathy.
Each possessing a gratifying emotional charge, a delight in woman or whatever, such as is not permanent to me.
A series of moments, itself part of a larger series, of conscious affirmation, or love.
Jewels on the seamless web, flowers on the forest floor.
Life is justified by moments of love, remembered forms of intense affirmation.
These may be of art, of nature, of sexual reality. Or of other forms of experienced reality.
There are points, such as memory of the palace of Versailles, seen from the gardens, of resolved tension.
Intense fashion for the nude in renaissance Italy.
Compare such moments to flowers. Imagine affirming the flowers as one affirms such moments.
You live in a field of flowers. This may take a largely visual, or various other forms.
The forms of experience praised by the people will not be affirmed as such, not without transformation.
The tastes and ideals of the people are one of the tensions set.
Think of their Valentine's day cards, and how they can possibly think that stuff moving or exciting, and their 'romantic' singers like Matt Munro, just died.

220 From Paul Oskar Kristellar: - The Philosophy of Marsiliso Ficino:- 'the concept of beauty itself contains a contemplative element which leads beyond mere sensual enjoyment. Hence, fiction says consistently that that love and enjoyment of beauty are attained only through seeing, hearing and thinking. The lower senses have no part in beauty. Their appetite and enjoyment cannot therefore be called love, though they may be necessary for the constitution of the universe and for human society.'
Love has the enjoyment of beauty as its goal". So we read in the definition of love.
Love, contemplation, beauty. The appetite mode. World of the child.
Perhaps words like 'love' have themselves become bastardised, robbed of a lot of their content. Perhaps this is because the emotional experience of people today is in some respects thinner than it used to be.
The desire of the masses for an ill understood aristocratic lifestyle. General forms which have gone to make up our civilisation, and which have developed to satisfy the desires and emotional needs of its inhabitants have become confused n their significance, involved with very different types of emotion and desire.
Removal of aesthetic experience from its central place in life and society. Its place taken by a kind of conformism.

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