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a115 When a woman is attracted to H., sometimes he feels unworthy of her attention. He feels she would expect him to be as confident sexually as he is intellectually and morally. His lack of sexual confidence spoils his entire self image as a human being.

a119 Physical beauty of some coital positions. Concentrating on the beauty as a way of prolonging the pleasure, deflecting from the immediacy of crude excitement. Koka Shastra says orgasm may be prolonged indefinitely by thinking of green fields and pleasant pastures.

a141 Love and cruelty. P. says that one should regard women as 'crap' then one will be able to seduce them. Lack of self confidence may spring from too great a respect. In sexiness there is an element of destructive cruelty, the cruelty that is a precondition of the continuance of life. This does not mean that love implies hate but it does imply strong rejection. Love as implying some arrogant superiority. Masochist and sadist intensify this.

a17 Tantrism, essence is rebellion against orthodox code. American hippyism narrowly in present. Masturbatory material, store of memories of unsatisfying but exciting experiences.

a62 Koka Shastra and Kama Sutra compared. Dead and cold rationalism of Kama Sutra. Kokoka finds meanings and patterns which may not be there but which help to fill it out with meaning and richness. To him, Vatsayana was the supreme authority. But his attitude to his master transforms Vatsayana into something of an artist, as the middle ages in Europe did with certain Aristotelian categories. Satisfaction in categories because they were in tune with tradition and it was tradition which enriched life, giving it extra dimensions and depth. Some periods prefer traditions and authorities to a living science.

aa120 Baudelaire quote 'la volupté unique et supreme etc. Truth of this need not entail the experience of guilt feelings. Definite pleasure in placing oneself voluntarily on the side of evil. Sex itself becomes less interesting when it is seen essentially as an athletic pursuit like tennis. Value of an artist like Beardsley for counteracting this.

aa51 Monasticism, attraction of monastic culture. Chastity, restriction, undesirable consequences. But that must surely be part of a monastery's justification of itself to the community. No society would tolerate a network of Thelemes. They would be forced to defend their privileges and turn into aristocrats. Aristocratic culture is a very different affair from monastic culture.

ab120 William Boyd's TV play Dutch Girls. His thesis, that a single sex education, particularly an English boarding school education, messes you up sexually, inducing an inability to relate to the opposite sex that is a serious psychological deficiency. Dispute the psychological theory of mental sickness/health as an exact parallel to bodily. The will to power is the basic psychological principle. There is a war going on between men and women. Mental harmony at any price is not an object worth striving for.

ab2 Newspaper item about coeducation versus single sex. It says that students who are single sex educated tend to be tongue tied in the presence of the opposite sex, but they are worried about the sexual stereotyping that comes from coeducation. Dilemma here, from male point of view. I am not saying that it is valuable that boys should be soft and feminine if they want to, 'gentle and caring' as they put it. I mean that they are not too inhibited by the need to model their personalities to please opposite sex. Important to encourage originality and eccentricity of personality.

ab23 Non medical drug use. What of a comparable sexual experimentation, what of that attitude applied towards sex? Depression brings with it a murderous sexual frustration. Article in the Listener about Adrian Mole. The writer said that these books are particularly characteristic of our age the eighties, with all its feminism and represent the female desire to reinterpret and emasculate the male.

ab244 Voyeurism. The crudely sexual, the sadistic, the mystical. Idea that that orgiastic experience could be beneficial. So much of most people's personalities are bound up with their sexual inexperience and taboos. Many say promiscuity cheapens sex, but does it have to? It may cheapen the institution of marriage but that hardly matters. The idea of the beauty of marriage is only the anticipated beauty of sex socialised, hemmed in and ritualised.

ab268 To reform poplar customs. Formal dancing as hopelessly low and vulgar, partly titillating, partly matriarchal, insufficiently natural. It suggests police controlled sex. Other ways in which young people come together are by way of rebellion, strange clothes etc. parties, discos......

ab336 Misogyny. Men and women designed to complement each other. Feminism the ruin of this. Anti sexual selfishness. Female sexuality may be turned towards you or it may be turned away from you. Suppose it is allied to a cause to which you are hostile, yet still manages to entice and allure you, then it is profoundly threatening or can be.... is increase in misogyny a sign of serious socio-cultural breakdown?

ab398 Desire for orgy. Considering women as 'sex objects', or as physical animal bodies. This is acceptable if you could achieve it. Jealousy. Lower levels of jealousy could be sublimated into erotic desire and love. Concept of orgy compared with that of nude beach.

ab43 Freud's pessimism as not telling the whole story. This because of its suggestion that satisfaction is not possible. ...I may not be able to satisfy directly my desire to rape. But what kind of satisfaction are we looking for? If we believe with Freud that these basic drives have to be satisfied directly then obviously they cannot be. Whereas if one believes, like the nationalist, that all that is needed is for a certain emotion to be indulged, then satisfaction is certainly attainable. etc. etc.

ac12 Sex attraction, sex aversion. There is a lot to be said about sex aversion, including the foul smells of changing rooms, homosexuality, jealousy. The intensely lyrical is a condition that may be hard to discover. Compulsory love is one form of frightful oppression, as is the idea that the body is necessarily to be enjoyed irrespective of all conditions.

ac144& Libertarian attitudes of rock music a breakthrough from the socialist/Christian categories that had dominated the world for so long. See what a hero was John Lennon to the young people of Russia. Rock stars were at lest sexually satisfied individuals. Socialism as a threat to potency. M. recommends Cuba, nice girls nice music. But how can you have a girl except as an individual? Sexuality as an expression of individuality.

ac187 Liz Hodgkinson, writer of a book on celibacy, recent craze from US. She says that a woman's physical love for a man lasts generally for about 2 years. For that time she is obsessed with his body. Then desire and emotion fade and only a new lover could bring those emotions back again. Some truth in it. Of course the woman is a frightful feminist, there is something weird about her smile and obvious desire to look attractive despite wearing the red sash of the junior anti sex league. Refer Wilhelm Reich, atomism. Does not love mean loyalty? i.e. how can two people love each other without relating to each other's beliefs?

ac218 Modern psychiatry. Despite complete change in concept of sexual perversion, the authoritarian judgement still detectable. Adjustment. Concept of the psychopath. Social skills training. X. a young man who encounters difficulties in finding partners to satisfy his sexual urges, how much of this is to be attributed to straightforward defect in social skills, and how much is such an explanation a devaluation of his personality and experience? The difficulty, the resistance, he encounters has more than a merely personal significance. Almost a definition of the disharmony between himself and the world.

ac227 Call girl scandal. It is said that such scandals could not hurt the labour party so much, because while the Tories claim to stand for the family, labour is for sexual freedom. Labour for sexual freedom? Whenever I indulge in illicit sex I may feel I am acting with the full seal of approval of the Labour party. The whole idea that a political party can encapsulate what life is about, and the pleasure to be got from life, is preposterous.

ac26 Goethe's influence on German sexuality. Atmosphere of peculiar restraint as if the sex instinct is made to comply with certain sentimental social ideals. He portrays innocence but not animal innocence, a kind of social conformist innocence. His is a world of incipient sex education. The harmfulness of this is fixing sexual liberation at the level of the cliché. Though a poet he has done something rather unpoetic, as in a different way has Lawrence in Lady Chatterley's Lover.

ac261 Anteros and pride. Efforts made to bind in loyalty to society repelled by anteros. The young man sexually repelled by so much, as by the woman in her late thirties now so desirable (but one did not want to fuck one's mother). Virility to do with self assertion. How can one assert oneself properly on one's mother, or on women obviously very much older?

ac266 Survey of sexual behaviour. Discovering the proportion of women who engage often in oral sex and sometimes in anal sex, there is great beauty in this. I suspect most of the women found it quite titillating to answer.

ac50 Appeal of socialism. Sexual freedom's obvious appeal. The sexual repressiveness of older societies seems purely negative and unfortunate, the abuse of power the old over the young. In Greece permissiveness now affecting Greek women. Yet among the conditions of sexual freedom is the oral contraceptive, and it is hard to endorse the pill entirely. A freedom that depends upon half the population taking powerful drug to alter its natural bodily processes has never seemed to me entirely desirable.

ac72&...For some reason H. is unable to fulfil the conditions to secure desired sexual relations. What is this reason? It might be seen as a simple lack of social skills. But he says he dislikes some of the implications of those skills. The imperative of sex is like the imperative to crime. The latter is suppressed. T. has a chat up routine, he knows the moves, he can play them, has done so successfully many times before....his problem comes later, presumably they get tired of his personality, he is open to heartbreaks, intense pangs of jealousy and regret.

ac85 Sex, promiscuity, desire. Establishment of a satisfactory sex life. More evidence accumulates that promiscuity is a health risk. the latest idea is that male promiscuity spreads cervical cancer, yet physical desire is highly promiscuous. One wants sex without emotional complications, but then when it comes to it one doesn't. Intention to persuade G. to appear naked on the nude beach. She spoke of a salacious interest she has, but that passes. One watches naked young women making normal bodily movements walking stooping bending crouching. etc etc

ad110 While one should not perhaps expect the female necessarily to submit to the male, both sexes should submit to the androgynous being that is the union of man and woman.

ad124 Sex is power. What is meant by this is not to be thought comparable to the sentence 'knowledge is power'. I mean sex is not just sex, but involves questions of power. The difficulty in finding women to bed is related to this.

ad145 What are the boundaries of the sexual? Where does it begin or cease in modern understanding? Spanking is now regarded as highly sexual. In previous ages the sexual element or pleasure element in punishment was permissible. It is not that in earlier ages people were hypocritical, it is that some pleasurable experiences may be classified in different ways grouped differently with different types of experience. Paedophilia, single sex nudism.

ad151 Thinking of sexuality in terms of mystery, communism is the enemy and death of mystery, just as Catholicism is the enemy of my type of sexuality.

ad162 New puritanism. The Church of England gets concerned about its clergymen with respect to choirboys. What is the worst such clergymen do? Little more I would think than an affectionate fondling of buttocks. what I said before about groping. Think of the social kiss, women who kiss you lightly on the lips as a social greeting. Clearly this gives a pleasure that is sexually related, yet no shame is to attach to it, nor would one go & jerk off to it. It might give a temporary euphoria not strong enough to give a full erection except in adolescents. Child abuse lobby against touches that make children uncomfortable.

ad176 Survey asking whether she is heterosexual homo or bisexual. 'I'm normal' she said. And I felt how good it was to be sexually normal like her, for both of us to be normal, which meant we would like to unite our genitals, which would be a delightful experience. Sexuality way of accommodating even affirming banality. Homosexuality & lesbianism do this more thoroughly.

ad202 Anderson (Ancient Fiction, the Novel in the Graeco-Roman World) makes the point that the Hellenistic Greeks of Longus time were far more sexually inhibited than the Sumerians, that they had conventions similar to those from 18th-mid 20th centuries, whereas Iannana bedecks herself with buttock jewels and asks 'who will plough my vulva?' Romans took and developed the Greek sexual theme in a more uninhibited direction. Trouble with the sexual basis of this lyricism shows when sexuality becomes jaded. Rio de Janeiro where sex shows are part of normal restaurant entertainment.

ad248 Ward and Profumo affair. Swinging London variety of sexual freedom was something different from that initiated by the hippy era. Keeler and Davies not exactly prostitutes. A no strings attached sexuality that could have much to recommend it. Hippy era brought a type of confusion. Irruption of utopian ideals like free love meant it became less easy to define clearly what you wanted.

ad25 As one approaches middle age, sexuality is not in a condition of mere decline. For one thing it can become more aesthetically satisfying thereby more mystical. The dirt and shame aspects recede as childhood recedes and the dangerousness lessens.

ad263 Way the sexes grow up and relate. Beauty of boyhood, the son as nine year old boy. Such stereotypes are admirable and beautiful. Why then should adolescent male sexuality appear in such an unattractive light? Various factors, snob factor, one does not want to feel one might have something so important to learn from intellectual inferiors. Then again are we not all perhaps the victims of lesbian propaganda?

ad338 Crowley's doctrine of sexual ultra permissiveness. Apparent naiveté of it. Failure to acknowledge that sex is power. Sometimes the logical end of what may appear to be a completely uninhibited and relaxed approach to sexuality is homosexual debauchery. Sex can be relatively detached from power, the more detached the more meaningless it becomes.

ad373 Sex and esotericism. The secret source of satisfaction we seek. In some moods it can seem quite paltry that this should so often seem to be sexual in nature. More to it than detumescence. What did Paracelsus mean by his claims to be a virgin, as with Fludd? One presumes they did something with their sexual energies other than merely suppressing them. Paracelsus believed that in masturbation one created spiritual beings.

ad380 Things that attract in the female. Often the same kind of things that arouse aggressive resentment. A skill a competence and accomplishment. It can irritate, but the irritation is a provocation, one wants to turn it into sexual play. Envy, but that is not the whole truth because if you were not attracted you would not have felt the attraction or the respect. Sexuality of previous generations, like parents, can seem alien and incomprehensible because one retains traces in memory of one's viewpoint as a child.

ad41 Other people's sex lives. In fact precisely their sex lives would not be desirable, tastes and desires being so different.

ad86 One complains about the sexual conditions of modern society. But one can travel to find different conditions, admittedly with different races, move far away from all western notions of equal rights and suchlike. Now there is Aids one doesn't want to risk catching that …

ae163 How every sexual deviation may have philosophical pretensions. Urophila and coprophilia. Philosophical about dirt. Voyeurism, exhibitionism. Sadism and masochism, philosophical about pain. Fetishism. A yogic like concentration on a single object.

ae167 Think of furtive sexuality in all its manifestations and then imagine these as they would be if they were not furtive. Aura people said hung around Hitler. To be caught out in act of furtive sexuality brings shame. Shame means more than a particular emotion attached. It involves a kind of malevolence, this is why it creates aversion in whoever is exposed to it. Shut off enclosed, masturbatory in the bad sense. Deliberately excluding the desire to communicate, to be accepted.

ae17 Pro sex and anti sex. Irritating features of the society around, to which we may become reconciled by sexual means. Sex can bind society together. It reconciles us to our aversions. Aversion as the inspiration of all change, all progress. Ballroom sexuality of parent's generation. To be in some respects anti sexual is to repel the effort made by society to reconcile you to the present order. Asceticism of some historical periods, like the 5th century AD.

ae179 Amount of sex in the religion of Crowley. How sex can become religion. The cocaine brain, the cocaine personality, sex obsessed, but infused with the highest poetry, pure paganism, man becomes God. Sex as good a thing to think about as anything else. In places Crowley claims to be quite unobsessed with sex on the grounds of his sexual health.

ae331 Schopenhauer, Weininger, Tolstoy, all anti sexual, expressing the Manichaean view that ideally sexual relations should cease. Why is the feeling between the sexes not as satisfactory as it should be? Is it a cultural breakdown? Is it to do with ideas held in the mind? A corruption brought about by learning and urban living?

ae60 Self assertion cannot be assertion according to someone else's pattern. No utopia is unacceptable, partly because it frustrates the will to power. Suppose the whole sexual problem of the male to be reduced to Don Juan or Casanova. The Suggestion is that for you your answer lies there, but that is not so.

af144 High sex drive. Obsessive compulsive interest in sex. Such women naturally getting on with such men. Idea of women being held in low esteem. Irrelevance of this to the true sexist. Bring sex into the equation and the esteem in which they are held may be of the highest. I am not thinking of 'worship' but of a high level of respect, friendship and appreciation, sexually dependent. this is not degrading unless one is oneself degraded by going into a sexual mode. Unless sex itself is regarded as a degradation of humanity

af182 B's sex drive (under hormone treatment for prostate cancer) now effectively dead. Stages he went through. A resurgence of an old homosexual phase, to frank admission of his pornography collection, his Swish collection, to his present sense of loss.

af273 Right to sexual satisfaction seems to be one condoned by Mrs Thatcher. Cecil Parkinson. He would have encountered no disfavour it is said if he had simply divorced his wife and married Sarah Keays. Adultery and divorce seem to have become virtually moral. The right to sexual satisfaction.

ah115 Sexually so screwed up. Adolescent sexuality that he did not enjoy for the first crucial years one might say, boarding school like gaol sentence, crippling shyness. …

ah218 Getting G. to enjoy being nude on nude beach is a major achievement of 1989. Much as I love looking at other women it was the sight of G. that excited me the most as she walked down to the sea. She sway of her bare buttocks as she walked, the curve of her waistline, even her hair as it hung.......body mysticism the focus of the most powerful pleasant emotion on the contemplation of the naked female form. Is it not wonderful that I should love her thus after so many years? and she nearly 44? Crowley's saying that not one person in 10000 is properly adjusted sexually…

ah294 Studland with G., lying down discussing the shapes of the bare women's bums we could see and the light and shade thereon. Amusing to watch the naked mothers telling off their offspring. Naturism encourages virtue. I feel repelled by idea of video porn. Faced with video porn & even colour photography, so called written porn seems completely tame & harmless. Different aspects of sex, conjugal sex and debauchery. Debauchery can also have its attractions. A certain virile enjoyment, exercises of the will. Dangers.

ai162 Honest sexual desire has a measure of virtue to it. Need is genuine need, genuine attraction is different from vicious attraction. Forms of sexuality. Cerebral egoistic sexuality. Macho image. One is evil and destructive and deserves nothing. A woman feels negated by being treated as such a means to an egoistic end. Could one be happy? Does one deserve to be happy? Singular and extreme futility.

ai230 Sex is power, which is to say it is a microcosm of life. It contains the possibility of frightful despotism. Sex is not a simple medical phenomenon with a simple straightforward valuation where an easy set of rules apply. To make conform to a simple of rules, to take the subversive out of it, to civilise it, to subject it to the despotic rule of the silly cow.

ai316 If one could find commercial relations erotically arousing one could have much potential for happiness, but so often the commercial is what one needs to escape. A night-club or a cabaret entertainment with dancing girls is not emotionally satisfying, there is something about it that repels. But there may be a way of making it acceptable, as did the late nineteenth century French symbolists and decadents. Degas, Toulouse Lautrec, acutely conscious of exploitation. The commercial relation is like what I call virtue, it is someone else's will.

ai341 Poster for musical Let my People Come, hippy style production advocating orgiastic liberation. Some people's urge patterns are compatible with public and orgiastic sex. To advocate this as suitable for everybody, not the same as proclaiming liberation.

aj123 Sexographic change. Some nations, some peoples, breed more than others, fuck more than others, more frequently and more promiscuously... any people is faced with the task of reproducing itself and the way the sexes are able to come together will largely determine this as well as a lot else. One's sexual partner confirms one's good opinion of oneself, one's arrogance one's pride. Jealousy. Reduction to common humanity. When one delighted in feeling superior to common humanity.

aj149 Sexual shame and being rid of it. Taboos which are healthy and necessary. things one would not normally talk about to one's male friends. What one would talk about, strict genitality. What are your perversions? Stated in the wrong context they may seem ludicrous or repulsive.

aj188 Sex survey. Starting to perceive human sexuality as a whole as a natural phenomenon, discovery of a natural phenomenon seen only partially in any individual, the natural reality in all its variety. Naturally I am more interested in the female than the male. What are the causes of lesbianism? Puzzle. Genetics or role identity? Male homosexuality understood in terms of weakness. Are questions of health applicable to sexuality? Or is all the natural variation something that should be celebrated as part of the diversity of joy?

aj275 Suggestion that a race of slaves is being reared, people too loyal to society without a will to power. Books seem to have lost the power to subvert. Consider the idea that sex has now become distastefully virtuous. This post Christian society, this new morality.

aj332 Latin temperament, we say, is emotional and natural. German temperament too conforming and authoritarian. Anglo Saxon strives for dominance. On James Whale Show a forensic psychiatrist who has interviewed hundreds of rapists, said the North Americans shared sexual behaviour patterns with the British as distinct from the continental Europeans. Though the British were non violent, like the Europeans, and unlike the Americans, 'sexual hang-ups' seemed common to Anglo Saxons and not Europeans.

aj78 Girl meets boy, what the thought in her mind. The long term thought 'where might he lead me, what might be accomplished, what child, what destiny'. Idea that the old should happily die off to make way for the young. Medical totalitarianism, assumption that life and death are not in themselves futile. What makes for meaninglessness and futility? As always, desire, unsatisfied frustration. Do you call it a desire for meaning?

ak179 Colin Wilson's new introduction to The Outsider. All about sex. Desire to look up women's skirts. ..I doubt that his sexual attitude represents the whole male condition. Not precisely anyway, there seems an absence of love and a fetishistic attitude towards women. Fetishistic about underwear. Poetry of urge patterns. Fusion of sexual emotion and the sense of beauty, this is an ideal. What I discovered through nudism, extension of the joy that can be experienced from natural surroundings. Only reservation that its capacity to transport is strictly relative to my own history and background.

ak209 Colin Wilson. What he wanted was a form of sexual enjoyment superior to the conjugal, a form expressive of his desire for power.

ak227 Byways of the sex instinct, sexual compulsions. Discreditable ones like the need for pornography or striptease. Worse, the illegal ones like the need to flash. Safe sex, not having to penetrate. Good if ones compulsion can take a heterosexual, creditable, yet safe and harmless, direction.

ak343 Of a woman to whom I feel attracted, say a certain type like the L. type.. I would not be jealous of her boyfriend, but the thought that she might be promiscuous is acutely disturbing. I want a certain virtue and purity. Part of the image. There are other types to whom one is attracted with whom promiscuity is no objection at all. Out of sight out of mind. Sound of voice and sight of her inflames until the vividness fades. Sex as truest expression of personality. Uniting the sexual with a Gnostic impulse. All instincts given free flow instead of constrained in uncongenial pattern.

al169 Psychotherapy and sex. Patterns of sexuality. Neil Lyndon who says he was very promiscuous. Sixties lefties among which he belonged. In some ways decadent *******, people with a rigid common immovable set of principles. I could make no impression on them. Even their simple humanity was inaccessible to me much as they fucked each other. From their standpoint I preferred the company of fools. Decadent ******* who came to the end of the line, there are more such people than one sometimes suspects… All about Fergie and her toplessness the horrible moralised view of sex, inward looking, monogamous.

al254 Poster advertising the female condom. 'Johnny has had a sex change'. I find it vulgar and distasteful. I feel hostile to contraceptive rubber, certainly in its modern recension. Is it desirable that women should be dominant as far as sex is concerned? I object to the whole feminist and post feminist sexual culture. Sex as subversion versus sex as submission.

al263& Sex as power. Foucault. The effort made by agony aunties to exert their domination over the whole field of sex. All the time I think about fucking. So many human activities seem pointless to me because they suggest the point that I would rather fuck. This applies to most sport.

al269 The battling against oppressive forces, the exhilaration of temporary success. Ovid's Ars Amatori. Sex as the innermost expression of the personality the power aspect of sex, the freedom & opportunities it brings in the war. All the energy that is directed against this, the effort to reduce it to a single meaning, all the energy that is expended on behalf of matriarchy, on a hackneyed pattern into which we are all expected to slot, so the hideous bloated matriarch can experience her revolting pleasure.

al299 All the fashionable seedy sexuality, S&M etc., what to make of it? How to judge it? 'Codes' change. One day one will be too old to pick up on the changes. but the new spirit is not de Sade. There is something strange about it I have not yet grasped. Compatibility with political correctness. Something become unfurtive, out of the closet, almost like an offshoot of politicised homosexuality. There must be some truth in the old sexologists about immature forms of sexuality, other forms of immaturity clearly exist. Fetishist, predatory homosexual.

al303 In public eroticism, public attitudes to sex, there is much to criticise. The sordid commercial relationship. Some people enjoy that like the last DPP.

al313 The sexual is affirmation, which is the whole meaning of life. Exhibitionism and voyeurism. In childhood, shame and lewdness, yet rising to the full level of aesthetic satisfaction. Eric Gill's naked female torso. Important in affirmation is memory. The sexual instinct offers much opportunity for affirmation. Fixation on beauty, the beauty of the body, the naked human body. Gill says that our genitals are our flowers. The body is not worthy of worship unless it is completely naked. ...to rise to this level is religious. To have overcome the prurient and lewd. And what sounds like foolishness…

al324 Adolescents who are attracted to religion, later forsaking it for sex. Sex as alternative to religion. All the religion that appeals to a modern teenager how can it be so insubstantial? Boys and girls who liked going to communion. Surely the pleasure of that must be mystical? But one can grow out of it. So what of different forms of mysticism? Has not Schopenhauer expressed it better than anyone? He knew about affirmation and negation.

al330 The male brags of sex, he wants his enjoyment to be known because he wants to be seen in charge of his life. Woman is more inclined to keep pleasures secret, but this may be all to do with degrees of shame.

al341 The girls of Prague, they say, wear microskirts and no knickers and there is a very strong atmosphere of sexuality. Feminist missionaries from America go there to convert the natives.

al5 Early youth. Immense social unease that characterised. Feeling of not belonging at all, idea that sex is for others. Perpetual alienation as natural state of mind. Sexual patterns set early. Visits to strip clubs. What was not achieved, the easy capacity to secure sexual relations which should have been got when very young. Patterns of sexual satisfaction.

al54 Sexual sickness. State of sex emotional frustration. Feeling very far from Crowley, seriously impoverished, misogynistic, racist, feminicidal, envious, jealous, unattractive, deprived, embarrassed. Particular aversion to the idea of white women fucking black men. I feel an atavistic deep south racial revulsion. I am a screwup. Such feelings may be simply the effect of a frustration which it is possible to remove. Africa competes with me, I feel. It has a fascination different from any fascination anyone might have for me. Illiterate unhistorical deadly if you forget yourself. Sexually disturbing. .. Loss of the female

am144 Lady Chatterley's Lover. Cruelty and ruthlessness which may be partly masochistic. People used to have affairs, instead Lawrence says they should have divorces. And in pursuit of their sexual fulfilment they should be ruthless towards the people they discard. Nietzschean ruthlessness for democratic consumption. Harsh form of sexual puritanism, slave values, repression demanded. Ultimate value of sexual fulfilment is religious ie you believe the religion. Not the law of Do What Thou Wilt.

am148 The idea that one's sexuality is the deepest expression of one's personality, sounded gibberish to J. Is personality itself to be seen as imperfection? Nietzsche, Lawrence. J. and his view of sex. Serving, pleasing the woman. His view of this as health and that by which others are to be judged. could we say this is like the view of the strong? Therefore sexual individuality could come to seem like weakness, inadequacy. Perversion is individual. Puritanism, sex as integrated with the whole of life. Does personality actually have any value? Sexual sphere as exemplifying and illustrating Nietzschean themes.

am19 Other people's sexual patterns. Irksomeness of what may be expected. One's own sexuality, individuality. Sexuality can only function in terms of individuality.

am212 Walter (My Secret Life) of whom Foucault makes much. Foucault sees him as in terms of confession, making a discourse out of his sexual activity. One could see him as a precursor of Crowley. Considering the great question of affirmation. Religious hostility to the sensual appetites. It is hardly enough to be simply for those appetites. One has to reverse the religious valuation and in so doing one makes another religious valuation. Could it be that whether a religion is life negative or life positive comes down to its attitude to sex?

am228 What can appear to be the fact of a twisted and distorted personality which makes it difficult to secure sex may simply be the result of deprivation of sex. + reflections on sexuality of massage.

am25 Tale of drunken Irishman on train.

am299 Conformist pressure that is the fundamental evil. The meaning that is put on drugs and on sex, the threat and promise that only here lies true satisfaction. The teenage boy. What he can learn from the woman. Her world, her frivolity, her enjoyment of life. As if one must become gregarious to become healthy. Surrender to the great sea of common life. Cast away your standards. But that is a lie. Health and happiness lie here, one is insistently told. But in art there is more satisfaction than many people understand.

am336 Sexual neurosis, emotional pain. Not quite how it is usually described, not the pain of heartbreak and rejection. Terrible sense of inferiority and deprivation. Like the world of jealousy, though not agonising in the way that is. Shakespeare describes it well.

am44 GunterGrass, Goethe. Difference between the German and the English ways of sex, they are more healthy and natural. Comparing themselves with us they have cause for self congratulation. Less frustrated. Yet a disadvantage is that it may anchor to the norm. Where sex is not problematic no deep rebellion, no strong disjunction between self and society.

am74 What Q. really wants, the monogamous relationship he has, not casual promiscuity or polygamy, but he could not delude himself that the present arrangement satisfies him sex emotionally, because there are many other women that excite desires that could not simply be satisfied with sex with a partner. Nudism and massage offer a solution...we can get some of the benefits of the free love ideal without the bad bits. ie promotion of these types of sexuality would not even lead to a lowering of conventional morals. We should be able to enjoy each others bodies both…

an252 Of sex and kinkiness. Sexual projects. Pure ones of love and seduction. Deeply difficult. Promise and refusal. Peek a boo. Then with the thwarting of these initial suicidal impulse followed by reorientation in aggressive freedom. Reactivation of old projects sudden energy to do so. Perverse sources of satisfaction. Like the desire to see some particular woman naked.

an27 Article about Woody Allen in Observer saying that 'lechery' subject of his earlier films has become unfashionable. That sexual liberation has given way to expansion of rights.

an272  S. seemed amused and surprised to learn that I want to sleep with a 24 year old woman. Eventually though she was sympathetic, saying that if that is what I really want it is bad that I cannot do so. Any such sympathy is highly unusual. Generally one's sexual desires meet with disapproval.

an295 Sex education. Seeming rationality. But in our secularised Protestant society there is a swarm of so called experts trying to direct people's lives in accordance with their own ideals, teachers, therapists, social workers, sexologists, socialist ideologues. Our society teems with repulsive grotesques much as in Dickens day. Underage sex, insofar as it is a problem, as the effect of conscious social engineering.

an298 Sexual sickness. Sometimes one feels that a satisfactory sex life really is the whole answer. Then one could think about other things. So easy yet so hard for life to be a fountain of delight.

an320 Sentimental Education, Roman de la Rose. Moral prohibition on sex as much as ever today. One thing that is bad is that this is hardly understood. Opposition to someone in my position having an adequate sexual outlet. Disapproval that I should desire young girls. Injunction that I should suffer and endure frustration. Sex may now be more approved of but only in certain prescribed paths. Outside that there is a curse, and suffering is enjoined.

an323 Sex and emotion. One needs the presence of a desired woman because that is the best focus for the emotion which could otherwise spend itself in misogyny and suicidal feelings. The tension that is sexual relation, as hardly compatible with social peace. The energy gathered as of a anti social, destructive kind.

an369 Different attitudes to sex. The healthy animal attitude. The standard by which most of us appear plainly sick or inadequate. The standard which appears to negate much of our lives much of what we are and live for. All this gets to be viewed as inadequacy as pathetic. By this standard art and literature seem to a high degree irrelevant..... Framework of envy and frustration within which one lives much of the time. Result of subjection to other people's values which can present themselves as the values of health....sex as microcosm of life. What sex should be. Not a drive to adapt but the opposite of this...

an61 Love, adultery, 'back to basics'. Sex, sin, adultery, modern novels. Courtly love at Versailles. Especial intensified interest these emotions have for the middle aged ripe with experience. The hotness of youth. Increase in self consciousness with age perhaps the ability to enjoy the play. All the pain and states which have a certain hellish quality would, if all went well, provide the veriest substance of life affirmation.

an95 Sexuality of the middle aged. Crowley and his 'naive' liberationism. See it as the expression of his own virility. ie a view of sexuality that is itself celebratory.

ao202 Sex and travel. Envy. Underexperience. Always one has to react to this to some perceived lack or inferiority, has to give some aggressive response. For simple inferiority is unacceptable. Normalisation of sex. Community. Meaningless more of a normal part of life. Less liberating. Many of my generation 'screwed up' from the point of view of normality. One is in the war of all against all. Sex wars, generation wars, class wars, all added. In a way that was normality. Modern normality 'health', feminisation, comfort.

ao290 Even abstinence from sexual intercourse Nietzsche tells me, in Genealogy of Morals, is a necessary condition of life for a philosopher. Sexual intercourse as opposed to masturbation is supposed to sap spiritual energy. I suppose it is too enjoyable. Wanking is primarily a means of relaxation to ensure sleep.

ao65 Rasputin, Crowley. Attractiveness of their libertinism. Pantomime. Folk wisdom. The young woman is attracted to the young man i.e. it is easy for him. But this may be less for his individuality, rather than yield to his power she wants to exercise her own power to some extent. Fantasy does not match reality, this sexual paradise this promise of erotic satisfaction. Reality not as good as the promise. Not the complete affirmation of Rasputin or Crowley. Enjoyment within society. Unless one can take hold of the fundamental conditions it is not good enough

ap31 Boys at Rugby mutiny over the appointment of a head girl. Commentators on this call them Neanderthals. A female ex pupil speaks of the mixture of fear and lust with which she was regarded. Relevance of this to the points I am trying to make. Here we see the conflict between two psychological perspectives, a morality of the weak and a will to power. View that sex is about giving a woman ecstasy, which rules out prostitution. Also view that when young success with the opposite sex is the true joy of life, abundant health, no need to read or study

ap373 Crum My Troubles with Women. Wisdom contained therein. I would say it beats Freud as a penetrating account of the underlying truth of human sexuality

ap79 Nudism offers a soothing form of sexual pleasure. It does not give the deep emotional satisfaction of going to bed with someone you have desired for a long-time nor the intense excitement of some anticipation. Recall the reservations I had and how it may seem to young people. To the young, copulation is all. Nudism may or may not be a spice.

aq183, Social aim of increasing sexual happiness. Not something as simple as it seems. Note how DH Lawrence came to have doubts about the whole project towards the end of his life. Sexual culture too much bound up with other questions, questions of ideology and power. How involved with feminism is the whole question of the female orgasm and sexual satisfaction. Rochester, the seventeenth century rake prefiguring those of the 18th century. The aristocratic attitude, hints of real affirmation. Climate of the 1760s having its origins 100 years earlier. Sexual satisfaction like other forms of satisfaction, of which it is a part. A sort of satisfaction of the whole person. Where it is without ideology, that is best. But look at the ideology soaked approach of a reformer like Reich. Like the identification of sexual happiness with communism. Extreme contentiousness of this. In our secularised supposedly post Christian culture, the boundaries of 'goodsex' in some ways extended. But the boundaries irritate in the same way as Christian marriage. Immense difficulty of doing what Burton wanted and creating an oriental style sexual culture. What is needed is not politics but art.

aq217, Woman and her power to bestow the intensest joys. The rage of a hungry lion, constantly titillated with hunks of red meat, which are pulled away from him. What Nietzsche writes about the workers. The extreme delight woman promises, and the threat she represents, should she use her power. For much of the time her commitment is to some kind of banal normality. And it is surrounded with prohibitions. So much is forbidden, and only certain narrow channels are permitted. Absurdity of the application of equal rights theory to the sex instinct. For here is ineradicable unfairness and inequality. The pretence that there is fairness and equality is as absurd as it would be politically in a state of aristocratic rule. Subordination and obedience are what is demanded.

aq335, Sex with a partner does not cover everything. One moves away from that towards more private, sustainable inspirations. But best of all if one can return to the partner who is able to share in these.

aq349, Thoughts on Aitken's slapper. A young man's relation to his sexuality. Generally there is some shyness, insecurity and anxiety. An attractive woman is in a very powerful position to wound him by sneering at his shortcomings. Some of the danger of this is traditionally obviated by prejudice against the slapper. Do away with this and we are in some monstrous female tyranny. With no self doubt or shame about her behaviour.

aq357, T. tells me about Italian bottom pinching, that it involves grabbing the whole buttock and inserting the fingers up the vagina. I dispute this, saying that it is usually what one would think of as a pinch. 'What's the point?' he asks. I say that women's bums are lovely delightful things. He thinks it must be sadism, of which he is a bit disdainful. I concede I appreciate a yelp of pain, though I am not thinking of that here. A tweaked nipple, though, he regards as the real business. A naked woman does not excite him sufficiently, he wants to se her pissing or shitting, because that degrades her. He sees how nakedness can glorify, which he does not want.

aq36, Sex as sleaze. Sex as happy, affirming memory. Hard porn, like hard drugs, mainlined. Pride of the junkie. Like a macho pride. Some pleasures can take off to satisfy the memory, some cannot. Those that sit happily in the memory, when they are freed from guilt, or shame, or any kind of unease about the self. Affirming one's own sexual enjoyment. Al the alien valuations one wants to escape in one's enjoyment. Stavrogin's confession, and the response of the priest about how people justify their pleasures to themselves. Consider paedophiles and the ideas with which they justify themselves. So what is the real pleasure? Some tremendous relief of tension. Release of enjoyments that satisfy the memory rather simply inflame desire. Other pleasures that do not affirm self. That reinforce a system of values that is hostile or alien in some respect.

ar58, After the defeat of the moral repressives new enemies appear. Enemies who may appear to be close allies. Function of memory and what is remembered. Mass promiscuity of certain universities. Memories of youth, sexual hangups so called, the connection with politics. Scope for another motive or drive, which pits one against one's friends. This sexual ideal which I find in a way objectionable. A form of communism that goes with promiscuous sexual satisfaction. Like a view of sex that seems to negate me. A standard, a view of health. One that can make my own values and aspirations appear juvenile. Dissent can take various more or less tolerated forms. Gay liberation. The from taken by one possible inadequacy, One that can be integrated into the ideal. .. D would accept me as an amusing paradoxicalist, but emotionally unhealthy.
The fight against moral repressiveness can bring about a sort of unity. Hostility that students aroused in the sixties. Who can see beyond the fight against the moral repressives? Ecology of crime. Misogyny, sexual murder. Assertion of individuality. Its preservation as paradoxical wit.

ar157, Porn on the internet. Couples. 45 year old woman who exposes her private parts for the sheer joy of it. Says she takes part in threesomes. Suppose she enjoys her life, all her life, without the sex turning seriously wrong. Must that be a good thing?

ar223, The sexual malaise that is the source of creative energy. The idea that it can be cured in a kind of settlement.  Ways in which the tension can find relief. Sex as instrument of control, as conditioning. As far from mere liberation as generally presented. Deprivation as source of meaningful desire, Idea of surfeit as rendering that irrelevant. Assertion of the value of experience. Need to capture the total context.

ar278, Jung on polygamy. He would recommend polygamy to his male patients, as important for the full development of their personality. .. Jung's female followers not feeling quite the same way about polygamy.

ar283, Fascist feelings of sexual health. The pleasure in the feeling of sexual health. Different urge patterns, different and varying aspects of shame that attack. Sheer affirmation. From this aspect, how one feels about degeneration.

ar344, Alex Comfort, (Sex in Society) writing on the eve of the so called sexual revolution. Insights into certain hopes, and a certain mentality. Thinking of the hopes for sexual liberation. That one would be able to get a huge amount of free and promiscuous sex. Idea that with overcoming guilt etc one could do this. Elements of delusion,. Idea that it is ignorance that hold people back. Much of it is focussed on adolescence. But though he is a sort of anarchist, his political interests come across as socialist. The power motive, the planner. Proposed revolution promising happiness for all, but that is not what it will deliver. The n his indignation about bad housing conditions, Virtuous feeling one may get from saying such things. …This mentality of an older generation of Englishmen. An unclarity about freedom a sort of affiliation to the Soviet Union. I dispute there has been a sexual revolution at all, As if there is something that can be delivered, like the French revolution delivered aristocrats' property to the middle class.

ar348, Beardsley….. I used to feel rather as he felt, the same kind of phallic sexual obsession. Subtlety of the Beardsley woman, the combination of educated new woman and old fashioned femme fatale. New slant on the whole idea of romantic agony. Beardsley is intensely life affirming, partly because life was so short and fragile. Woman is a sheer object of desire. Brain Sewell has compared him unfavorably with Picasso. But that the comparison can even be thought of shows his genius. There is no misogyny in his work. But I wonder whether future generations will be able to appreciate him. When sex has become so democratically normalised, all the naughtiness will have gone. …Situating decadence in society, in consciousness of threat and decline. Idea that one so ill could have no concern about this, that he mist delight in whatever sexual desire is provoked. But this is only our sentimentalised reaction. All this desire is for images thrown up. We must not see them as direct expressions of the will. .. Desire mixed with all kinds of painful things.

as 71 The woman soon to die. The revival of sexual and flirtatious feelings. The different meaning they have. The different way I feel towards them. The sexual behaviour of the girl, with all its vulgarity and threat. Here transfigured. Like the soldier off to war. This animality, this naturalness. Kind of wistful beauty, intensity of nature.

as86 Taine, early in the book (Notes on England) met an Englishman who made observations on the difference between the English and the French. "Of all the countries my Englishman has seen, England is the' most moral. Even so, in his opinion, the trouble with the country is the want of morality. France he judges a L'anglaise' 'the women, badly brought up, don’t read the Bible, are too fond of dancing, interested in nothing but clothes. The men frequent cafes and keep mistresses, hence the number of unhappy households..' "

But the Victorian English way also made for unhappiness. Suppose a man needs a mistress to be fulfilled, unless he is undersexed? There is not necessary any solution. Life tends to frustrate.
One needs art and culture. Perhaps one needs to create as well as to enjoy.

as101 In adolescent sexuality, so much conflict. So much alien will tied to promise of enjoyment.

as126& Newspaper story about having mixed changing rooms in swimming pools. Idea this would make us more like the Germans, where mixed saunas are common. How much this is to be welcomed. And how much rejected as an odious attempt to control sexuality. Yet a different attitude to sexuality. In England authority is necessarily anti-sexual. Repellently so. One feels in Germany there may be an erotic bond. It was present in nazism, and has carried over into social democracy. One might actually feel society to be continuous with sexuality. So this is a very different feeling. Germany can be an attractive society because it feels sexually alluring. Idea of society as a direct expression of sexuality. The coercion in it as somehow exciting. This nazi value, Unlike British society where authority is repressive of sex.

as139 Gerard Winstanley experienced a similar, if less traumatic let down at the hands of Ranters who came to his Digger commune in 1649-50 and disrupted it by their sexual libertinism. By 1652 Winstanley too had realized that his ideal society would need defending against 'the rudeness of the people'.
Rudeness, like the concept one applies to children. In the case of the people, they are ideas. Free love is an idea. But one may look at it as like the rudeness of children, or of savages.

as141 Thinking of X and how he debauched himself with porno videos. How he would ring me up and tell me how amazing it was the things these girls would do. How now he does not even feel frustrated by the flimsy clothes of the girls in summer. Because he has worked it out of his system

as157 The rejection of sex. The white woman's attraction for the black man as a rejection of the white man. We can see this may be an anti-sexual ideal, like some forms of lesbianism. It is a rejection of the standard attraction between the sexes, same race attraction. A particular point is being made, a painful point. There is a kind of asceticism. In embracing a particular kind of sex, another kind of sex is being repudiated, what may be thought the  more basic, healthier kind of sex.

as205 Interesting TV programme about a commune in Austria. Fascinating what it reveals about human nature.
Rebellion of youth, What to be done about it? What is the true life ideal? It involves the arrogance of youth being kept down to some extent. The youth like the child, free from restraints. The truth comes in a kind of realisation of concreteness. The will meeting the resistance of what cannot be changed. The failure of the ideal. The failure of the ideal is good, it is the salvation of the world, the revelation of reality.
The Austrian commune. How the constant availability of sex became the central feature. Sometimes sense of that with Crowley.
The seeming 'discoveries' of middle age, the seeming 'cures'. Negation of demand. Decline in criminal impulses. From the viewpoint of youth age is decline. From the viewpoint of age youth is formless in its desires. What kind of sex life might one have wanted? What  kind of subjection? Again from the commune, the fascinating question of what counts as good sexual technique. The changing practices of No. 1, passed down the hierarchy of men and women. Like how to masturbate a woman.

as244 Vital importance of art when sex and desire seem to have lead into a kind of hell. The hell, the disability, acceptance of a standard , like a standard of equality. Without the salvation of art desire is a hell. One knows salvation is conceivable, but it would be salvation from a hellish world. Necessity of art to save.

as247 Gissing's ideals of women,
Women as representatives of mediocrity, as binding beings. Then women as saviours, This fantastic world of delight that they hold in their power, a world that there are those that seem to enjoy.
Sexual starvation worry about one's attractiveness, ones potency. Ways of thinking, Like feelings of jealousy directed at the whole female sex.
Woody Allen's Manhattan. One thing that is offered by the pretentious, neurotic way of life is plenty of sex. How important and significant this is an interesting question.
Jim Morrison "Women seem wicked when you're unwanted". It's not quite like that, I would say. But a seemingly false view. A whole world in need of redemption, erotic satisfaction  promised and enjoyed in what is opposed to me. Woman as Weininger sees her. Feminism as the desire to create a closed world. A standard that is declared to be health. Something designed to exclude me completely. A form of power to shut me out. To exclude all my values from the possibility of being attractive.

as251 A generation quite without religion. Idea of sex education as taking the place of religion. A kind of medical substitute for religion. Because sex is such a microcosm it can do business for the whole of life. The mysteries declared to be all open and known. Utter niceness and wholesomeness about sex. What used to be a problem and a battleground.

as254 Women in their allure as excluding. Naked they are not so. Think of the world of childish rudeness, the world of secret pleasure, The secret pleasure that is given by instinct think what is its status? In upbringing it is not regarded as in any way good. Does it seem that in this at least Freud was quite right? To some degree tolerated, but in no way good. And does it have to be like that? Is to give approval to prevent civilization? Savagery or merely paganism? Part of nature. A mystery, involving gods and goddesses. Including the obscene god. Moralised and turned away from you.

as260 Colour photography and sexuality. The huge difference it must make to the sexual imagination. Lyrical feeling, celebration.

as302 Sex and youth. The extreme jarring between reality and what told. How later one feels one could do it, but one is too  old. Machismo, animality/ Yet successful youth, promiscuity. An agony aunt tells of the affairs of those who marry too young. This is against what Wilhelm Reich seems to suggest, that monogamy is only really possible with celibacy outside marriage. Patterns of sexual liberation. Oppressiveness of so called patterns. What could be done, what freedom, what demand? The pattern that is offered by society on its most raw level.
 Desire, promiscuous desire. Death the need for life affirmation when life is particularly dangerous and short. As in Africa or the 1890s. …The ideas we have of liberation and how flawed they may be. Perhaps flawed like communism was flawed. Ideas of liberty that do not amount to liberty at all.
The individuality of sexuality. The dependence on the minutest circumstances of personal and social history. And one wonders how different sexual culture may have been in the past. How little has been written down, has gone into books. Aristotle, ribaldry in temples. Sexual shame and guilt inspired by our culture. Puritan cleverness, Pretence of critical perspective.

at16, Pleasures dependent on their unusual taboo breaking quality, on a resistance that is overcome and a self affirmation within that. And there is in this a violation, a repudiation of equal rights. Equal rights, complete fairness, that is death to life. And this basic truth is revealed at the heart of sexuality. This whole idea of complete consensuality This idea of rules, The power in that. How the idea of fairness for all leads to a rigidly conformist pattern. Freedom leading to lack of freedom. Each encounter, my terms or her terms?
Morality should be enabling rules, like law. It must permit cruelty and violation.
Sexuality and the left, the working class stereotype.  How male assertion is permitted because like ignorant, or innocent.
Then the idea that all should be consensual. That she enjoys it is a pleasure. But normality would lessen it. This very individuality, assertion of my own individuality. This individuality conflicts with what some people want.
There are supposed to be rules to resolve the conflict. This is where morality can be destructive. Where a supposed fairness gives power to others at my expense. An individuality that offends in its very nature.
The pervert, Sexual fascism Deleuze and his ideas. See sex used for affirmation. Often by orthodox standards perverse sex. The affirmation and pleasure perverse sex may bring. Connection of the whole of this with liberation. Danger of any liberation movement being taken over by a communist principle. In liberating will there is a danger in liberating the will of all, which will be hostile to the individual. This the reality of all revolution, as Blake explored.
No principle of universal liberation is any good, because all kinds of malice will be stimulated. Respecting the wills of others becomes an intolerable burden as their wills grow too great.
Sexual fascism, the burden of normality See how this appears to homosexuals. The beautiful people so called, and hierarchy this promotes. Foucault's objection to Sartre. Pressure of all individual wills staining for greater expression. Finding a rule to give them all greater expression. The rule ending up as the greatest possible tyranny. The pressure of normality, such as prevalent feature of life, a painful oppression that recurs, combined strength of mediocrity.

at19 More sexual fascism. This monovalent definition of sexuality, this northern adolescent mentality. The working class attitude to birds. This standard, which wold be too hard, too competitive for me.

at33 Reading Booth's book on Crowley. First note how the puritanical upbringing gave an especial edge to pleasure, Then his not caring about catching, or spreading venereal disease.
Crowley's complaints about sexual repression. Idea that if other people were less sexually repressed one might get more satisfaction. I don't see it like that. That women may not want me to fuck them is not a function of sexual repression but of their not fancying me. I may be wrong. It could be that what presents itself to me a repulsion or indifference is sometimes an attraction that is simply repressed.
Something about Crowley's biography that is an instructive lesson in getting the most our of life.
'Attraction that is repressed" But then suppose everything were to work all right, what then? A new order of power. I would have discovered a way of feeling myself powerful, that's all. All the same evils would still be present, it would just be that I had somehow managed to avoid them.
In any society there are failures and put downs. Complete sexual liberation is impossible because sex is power. Erotic attraction and temptation are used to bind to social norms, to coerce and cozen. When sex subverts it is because it links to an alternative power source. If one is lucky that is oneself.

at54 Sex survey Schadenfreude. Consciousness of ability to attract and playing on that. That use of power. Or the disconnection. The inability to drive it properly. The pleasure in the sex survey getting women who would never have let me get anywhere with them sexually to let me take them off guard and tell me all these things.

at85 On TV the other day Kingsley Amis' Take a Girl Like you. I get the idea from that that Amis was a very bad writer with no inspiration. Carry On films were much better. That sort of sexuality. Shallow crude and trapped. Irritating view of sex. A sort of fascist conformism. The lack of barriers, the supposedly attractive man. Cliché ridden banality. The competitively successful. Often locks into conventional values, reinforces them. They become so much background.

at146 German art. Starting with Friedrich, Wordsworthian style identity of national feeling with nature mysticism. I think of this and connect it with the programme on Nazi women the other day. The difference between Nazi society and our own. The Nazi channeling of all emotion through the state, including sexual emotion. So different with us. For us sex is anti-state, an assertion of individuality against societal pressure. It is rebellion.

at190 Thoughts for a poem about a wedding disaster in Jerusalem, where the floor collapsed and the guests fell down 3 floors. The video seen on the news last night. The guests dancing, the bride so happy, the father carried high on a chair, and then the collapse. Like divine wrath, but it was shoddy building. Happiness, sexual, social and religious all in one. So different from what I feel. Socialised sexuality. That God. A god of a people, like an ancient people, different and perverse. A God that hates Venus. The hideous completeness. That I conceive a different God, a proud and noble anti-social God, against the people. The greed of Man. The ugliness of custom. The noble God, hostile to the ugliness of custom. The vulgar God, the hideous completeness.

at211 New ideas for pagan guilt free sexuality. Introduction of gods and goddesses. Best way to understand and explain. The socialist way would bind it up. The massive instinctual repression demanded by equality. Gregariousness as the service of values. Gregarious, to please the group, the peer group. Repulsiveness of the body. Men as evil satyrs. All to get away from the ugliness and embarrassment of sexuality. American teenage culture. The American high school. The hostility and desire, Twin Peaks. Beauty as struggle against ugliness. Modern sexuality, something to be looked at,

at302 Brian Sewell on the Victorian nude exhibition, saying the paintings express a mild form of sadism. Idea that this is a form of sickness.
Alexander Hudson  in the Evening Standard, suggesting we live in 'world without sexual taboos'. Such utter nonsense that is. Italian bottom pinchers lacked a taboo that we possess.

at340 The bad temper of the old ape who has reached his own sexual settlement and doesn't want it overthrown. See how this affects human beings. Not so concrete, so material. Not so much a question of keeping the younger apes away from one's harem, one's own designated females. A question of protecting one's whole sexual attitude.
Sex to a human means his whole attitude towards sex in society. Achieving this is something what it is the task of the ape to achieve.
The young person living in a kind of chaos that he calls ecstasy.
How what I say is contrary to all the tenets of religion which prescribes a single attitude. And this is to be explained In the same way as the behaviour of the older male apes. The whole idea is to keep others down.

b100 Seduction. The idea that I am engaged in something which is conformity to a pattern and not an exceptional proof of my own strength displeases. Therefore I am one of the Swedenborgian damned. A. likes the idea of sin in sex. The idea of sin means nothing to me, but that of rule breaking is important. But in eating and drinking and sleeping I observe rules and patterns surely? Why can seduction not become as natural to me as those activities? Masters and Johnson on most exciting orgasms as masturbatory.

b109 Remy de Gourmont quote. New science of sex. Perversion to be analysed not solely in the light of normality. In many cases it represents an argument against that normality. A theory of perversion which does not allow perversion its own say, which sets a standard of normality up to which perversions fail to match,  is narrow and inadequate.

b5 Mystics tend to need either to become a complete sexual master (Crowley, Rasputin, Gurdjieff) or to renounce sex completely. To become too entangled with making oneself attractive to the opposite sex can bind to the irrelevant. To become a sexual master he must first become a prodigy of will, project his destiny.

c77 Private parts. Idea of privacy making it all the more exciting when they are shared with other people. The stronger the feeling of separation the greater the joy of union. but separation can be taken so far that the joy of union is thwarted. Perhaps uninhibited sexuality is only a clear apprehension of some of these truths. Flagellation, rape, exhibitionism, voyeurism.

cc142 Homosexuality often an asset from the viewpoint of worldly success. The ancient Greeks right about the emulative ideals it inspires.

cc6-7 H's attitude towards women. A refusal to share in any ideal of common manhood a desire to make himself into a kind of devil. Philosophical misconception.

cc84 Theories of sexual perversion 1. that all actions done for pleasure are done as the result of dispositions planted in us by non rational forces. Thus it is right to speak of health and sickness and to desire to extirpate certain points of view. 2. the possibilitist theory i.e. perversions may be deliberately cultivated are latent in almost everybody and may be part of a rationally chosen way of life.

dd131& Much of the satisfaction of sex is really power. Sex is power. Yet there are different ways in which this instinct may be satisfied and some promote power less than others. Power is more important then sex, general moral power and celibacy is thus possible as an ideal. Secret of the Golden Flower. Originality is perhaps the most important manifestation of power and the one futurists got onto and the Chinese understood.

dd42 Sex the great conditioning mechanism of the modern age, hailed as the infallible answer to adolescent depression. Point that adolescent depression is pretty well essential to growing up, a long period of aloneness. Important that the instincts should feel the pain of restraint, otherwise the gap between desire and fulfilment will not be noticed and a form of stupidity may well result.

ee4 Human personality as a fighting self interested organisation of matter. Companionship. This body this system is useful to others insofar as they need to avoid solitude and consequent boredom. Body systems generally of opposite charge endeavour by various means such as large gatherings of body systems in enclosed places to overcome the very great obstacles to making a detailed connection.Poisoned by sexual troubles the desire for more does not necessarily have to mean dissatisfaction with less but where jealousy intervenes what I already have couldnvrbgo nug

ff139 Why so much modern literature contains pornographic scenes. There is a strong urge to capture in words the precise quality of the elusive erotic experience. Whenever I sense the prospect of imminent gratification of my sexual impulse it assumes an enormous and disproportionate importance, everything else seems to hang upon it. Thus I reduce myself to nothing divest myself of power

ff286& Group sex, wife swapping. Gambling with one's own strength and security. sex drive a pain and torment. Schopenhauer. Celibacy for philosopher. Perhaps Schopenhauer is the more successful hedonist. The sex drive when aroused is like the craving for cocaine in an addict. Of course one can suppress it but at what cost in personal misery? One could live as a beggar on the streets of Madras. Reich on Trobriand Islanders.

ff306 Adler on monogamy. To an extent he backs up Reich. The natural period of a sexual relationship is limited, to make it last requires an early deliberate commitment or concentration.

ff313 Icelandic saga. Modern dramas, sex, divorce, seem contemptible in comparison. Overvaluation of women. Gross interference in the full and free course of a man's life that comes about through sex equality. Dissipation and its dangers. Whores, syphilis. Valuable moral lesson. Modern promiscuity can have a demoralising effect. It is not the love ideal which was demoralising... it is a kind of forced deference to women against one's better judgement that is so. For the Hell Fire Club but against wife swapping. Love ideal in Malory.

ff4 Sexual paradox, one desires most intensely that which one cannot have because to get it would be proof that one were stronger than one is.

ff58 In the pursuit of sex one risks loss of individuality. Adjusting to a mutually acceptable game. Gaining rewards by meeting on common ground. Element of ego loss. 'Participation mystique'. Thus if one is to condition oneself one should do it in accordance with one's own best reason and not in accord with the entropy and inertia of the mass.

g82 Stanley Spencer conceiving the resurrection as perfected sexual intercourse. Surely these ideas are very modern, think of Norman Brown and Wilhelm Reich. I do not really much object to those forms of Christianity which preach free love as sexual liberation. I suppose what interests me most is sexuality conceived as liberation rather than simply the new morality. The new morality is as bad as the old.

gg100 The child who growing older feels gradually less repelled by the bare female thighs of the principal boy in the pantomime. What first seemed an unnecessary exposure, when flesh repelled as unaesthetic and women's thighs seemed too fatty, and the incomprehensible crassness of adult desires thrust upon them, gradually became more acceptable. Sexual excitement, voyeuristic leering. The dagger at the female genitals. The use of violent imaginings to overcome repression...

gg110 Crowley's criticisms of the stifling moral prudery of England. Today's different atmosphere, equally oppressive and disturbing in its way. Sexual titillation constant and a strain on the nerves. Sexual freedom has given rise to a new and virulently odious form of moralism. Strindbergian & Munchian tensions must be widespread, though the herdlike masses can adapt themselves to anything. Idea that to restrict open display of pornographic photos would not be an infringement on liberty but an aesthetic measure etc etc.

hh110 Erotomaniac culture of Louis XV. A cult of love and sexuality is normally to be thought of as based around youth sometimes extreme youth. But under Louis naturally all the power was in the hands of those of more mature age so the ideal tended to focus on the sexual antics of slightly older people. Besides the grey wigs indicate a certain cult of age.

hh144 Free love much on. Casual sex. From one point of view it seems an ideal total detachment, uninhibited enjoyment....free love means the abolition of individuality. One merges in the species, in the sex. Marriage being the domination of the old over the young, free love might at first seem as an assertion of youth against age and its tyrannous restrictions. But sex is more than the sensory enjoyment imaged by the pubescent masturbator. Its deepest pleasures involve a kind of self affirmation. It leads to a deeper kind of domination/submission that a purely promiscuous attitude may set rigid.

hh174 Sexually exciting thoughts and experiences constantly occurring, though admittedly they were mostly frustrating, at least it was one's own erotic universe and not the public eroticism which is constantly thrust upon us. That does excite but it has the meaningless repetitive quality which Colin Wilson claims to find in sex in general. It is generally a thoroughly undesirable form of excitement. Indecision under stress, principal cause of mental illness.

hh190 Images of sex to the early adolescent who comes from a respectable household where all is decorous and none of sex beckoning chaos. The older, seemingly emancipated female cousin whose main interest in life seems somehow not quite decent...concepts of indecency....that one's view of women and of sex at that time is necessarily masochistic. Women are nothing like children when they seem to be more adult than we are. Sex as disgust, the disgust for the body and for man.....torments we go through, the slaves of these forces whose aim is the reproduction of the species. etc etc.

hh208* Condition of success with casual sex, except for those happily too primitive to be affected by fashionable ideas, is tacit acceptance of the conventions of 'permissiveness'. While this is a philosophy accepted by women, men are not to be allowed to exploit them. Men and women too closely integrated culturally for one sex to escape the ideals embraced by the other. Perhaps more significant than the idea of self fulfilment from below is the idea of permissiveness from above etc etc

i221 With copulation at its best feel the play of a divine ecstasy as if participating in the sexual raptures of Shiva and Parvati, or Venus and Adonis, or Ishtar and Tammuz.

j55 Important for each system builder to arrive at a good working theory of sex. Colin Wilson considers sex to be a form of unsatisfactory meaningless repetition. Sex is one of the most powerful sources of energy, especially spiritual energy, so it is tempting to see it as underlying all. Tradition that white magic is sublimated sexuality and black is debauched. Some sense to be made of this, if sex is considered as an important ingredient of the act of magic rather than an energy source.

jj13 Sexual culture of the Arabian Nights. Pure hedonism. Sex as first class reason for suicide. Western society getting more sexually repressed as a result of Freud.

jj19& Relationship with S. remarkably free from sexual disturbance, a bohemian emancipated relationship. But then a kind of sexual envy came back into my life... nowadays I see a lot of young girls provocatively dressed and I cannot help feeling threatened I feel resentful and inferior. At one time I decided that I wanted to slake my discontent by screwing a lot of women. G. told me I would never succeed because it was not in my character. She was not necessarily right. Had I been single I would certainly have succeeded like all single men I know who are interested in such things...

kk116 Narcissism, attractiveness to women of the narcissist. His understanding of insecurity. Description of a lower stage of immaturity than the narcissist…

kk141 Whores of old had to make a living, something not so hard these days. Whores proper for old, inadequate, and tourists.

kk158 View that we now have a permissive society where sex really is very easily available to a lot of people, 'adjusted' people we might call them, and that includes adultery for the married. It is not for H. because he really does not have the self confidence to persist at trying to get off with women at parties. They walk away, he feels he is boring them. People at parties strike him as thoroughly pretentious but surely in his efforts to make conversation he must appear as bad himself. ...even the depths of self hatred interesting to explore ... drawbacks of permissive society what is really odious is encapsulated…

kk266 Wilhelm Reich Quote: "The cases of suicide that happened during psychoanalytic treatment I came to understand only much later: patients committed suicide when their sexual energies had been stirred up without being allowed proper discharge".

kk269 Sexual culture, the criminal's party. Dancing as ritualised sex encounter. To a slight degree both parties are to get some sexual pleasure and some ego boost. It is a controlled way of giving oneself a kick. So I understand that pleasure that aspect of culture. But it could only work for me because of the strangeness of the party because I was an alien because I was not expected to feel at home.....Usually at parties I feel out of place but no one else recognises that I am, and so I feel paranoid and out of place...Looking for not so much a screw as release from an intolerable ego tension

kk271& Serial marriage. Culture of excessive stimulation. How can people enjoy having their sexual energies so constantly aroused? Coarse tastes of low bred lout. He is able to feel affirmed because he has such a coarse mentality.

kk295 Film Alfie....he was not running up against the inadequacy of his values except insofar as they clashed with conventional ones. Freud Civilisation and its Discontents, society a binding together by means of Eros, thus stimulating a lot of aggressive urges which are denied satisfaction and which therefore turn against the self in the form of guilt, which makes for unhappiness...Freud speaks of sex as the type of all pleasure, therefore the type of all that is desirable. But that is not entirely the case...when becomes too casual loses some of its power. Neither Eros nor thanatos but the desire to be affirmed…

kk348 Increase in gonorrhoea as natural selection. Self confidence lack of. Pain that comes from almost succeeding but not quite. Lack of social skill. but that probably originated in the inability to feel relaxed and a kind of guilt or self dislike. Maybe it is even simpler.

mm125 Satisfying one's sexual urges picking up women. D.'s attitude trying to pick up women in the Tate gallery (as if he were in a disco). For one thing it is an invasion of privacy. Why not invade other people's privacy?....It is possible to immunise yourself against all contempt but is it desirable? Sexual shame arising when the pursuit of the sex instinct is not compatible with kind of image of oneself one would like to project. One's routine sexual kicks are more perverted, exposure of them would not advance one's image in the world rather the reverse, they do not serve to release the power…

mm153 Sex and satisfaction. Not everyone derives all their deepest satisfactions from sex. Sex  merely one sphere of life in which one may or may not choose to focus one's life energies. To accuse of deviancy someone who does not see sexual activity as the central object of life is grossly narrow. Satisfaction comes from release of tension, there are modes of Dionysiac ecstasy quite other than the sexual. It is hard to suppress sex of course, but those whose life interest is focussed on sex imagine that those who are sexually frustrated must be eternally so.

nn117 Most people look for fulfilment through sex or what used to called love. They used to concentrate on conjugality, the search for the perfect partner in whom to dissolve. They still believe in something like that though now more a serial form of relationship. X. never had the energy or the conviction for that either.

nn125 Passing of the old puritanism and hypocrisy, now the sexual smugness of our leaders and rulers. Almost free to brag. Something revolting in it.

nn127 Free Love. What indescribable envies and jealousies will be stimulated? What suicide? In a small tribe of savages all may love each other as members of one family. But complex situations stimulate complex emotions. How can anybody pretend to love the entire human race?

nn133& Sexual satisfaction  needed for joy in life, without it we are incomplete, as expressed by Aristophanes speech in the Symposium, one of the best things ever written on the sex question. Merits of post Christian morality i.e. ridding the people of guilt feelings, preaching self respect, superficially a good idea. Schoolboys talk constantly about sex in an aggressive way, to them sex is something they are denied and talk about it is something subversive. Later one talks about sex because it is something one constantly desires, a memory of past happiness.

nn144 Book of the Law. 'Refuse not thy wife if she will' Thelema or 'true will' is a metaphysical concept. Also 'take your fill and will of love as ye will when where and with whom ye will. But always unto me'. i.e. it is important to get sexual satisfaction.

nn172 Childhood sexuality not permitted in our culture. Adult sexuality is supposed to be good and healthy but what is its foundation except all this forbidden sex of childhood?.... Sex education an attempt to remedy that. Suspicion that the way it is done makes it part of a socialist programme of indoctrination. 'Do what you like so long as you don't hurt others'. Do sex education lessons say that it is good and joyful to be in love with your own arse and have fantasies of corporal punishment? The autoeroticism of children is not a regrettable necessity. Perhaps there should be pornography for children.

nn67 Basic experience of the male. It is frequently held by those condemned to aloneness that the objective of the sexual quest is conjugality, monogamy. The disadvantage of conjugality is that it represses one important aspect of male experience, the predatory quest, something enjoyable for its own sake. The true interest of the individual does not coincide with the true interest of society. The predatory quest. The normal way of going about these things fills H. with distaste. Normal people he despises and he despises their ways. He wants to go about things in his own way and to enjoy doing so.

nn82 Perhaps H.'s great regret about sex is misplaced. The people who are really into casual sex have different values to his. Communistic sex, socialist individualism, resisting the domination of mind by mind. Communism, relentlessly opposed to the domination of mind by mind, everyone has to be alone and made confident in the virtues of aloneness. That was not the kind of life he wanted not the game he wanted to play.

oo18 How hung up he used to get about girls, how he used to fantasise and plot ways of getting them into bed, and how he was paralysed by fear. Any advance required a tremendous effort of courage.....such obviously inapposite advances made without sophistication just screwed out of him by an act of courage. Such inhibition. Always fear always the unattainable object of be. No confidence in himself.

oo21 'Its an insatiable thing and it produces a kind of delicious anticipation. That's why I say that anyone who wants to behave decently ought to refrain from kissing the young and attractive'. (Socrates In Xenophon).

oo8& Sex should be available in such abundance that it need not intrude into other spheres. Instead sex and money are so scarce that we use up a vast amount of energy in pursuit of these urgent needs. Sexual unions, 'mind fucks'. What more is there to be got from life than a mind fuck? Don Juan. Short cut to every thing. Shiva and Parvati. Don Juan mates but does not pair. Perhaps a phase of the sex instinct does not work properly in him. Pairing as largely a matter of laziness, Dobu marriage is a good example of this, nevertheless to resist it so completely is a mark of something unusual in the…

oo82 H. should have an advantage over other people, being quite without moral scruples. But he is an appalling sexual coward and would like to admit it more openly for after all it is the truth. And he has been other sorts of fool. Letters he has written that he deeply regrets. ..His sex drive is a dark and dangerous cabinet, unlock it and dangerous passions are likely to emerge. Violent impulses which turn against the self rather than wadscrm which would be mo ngeu and have to be kept in check. The idea of druid sacrifices of young girls is delicious. Likewise sexual murder.

pp22 Different sexualities. Some men do not feel especially provoked by the sight of naked women. T.'s masturbation fantasy is presumably of copulation. Mine is not really fantasy at all, it is generally visual images of nakedness. Taste hedged in by various rules.

pp52 Tv prog about prostitution in Hamburg. ..If prostitutes were attractive, visible, easily available and cheap our whole modern sexual culture would not be experienced as so unpleasantly frustrating. In my experience I lack the archetype of woman as prostitute. The nearest I get is woman as tease. The tone of the documentary was shocked disapproval. But what is our British alternative? Frustration and repression on a large scale….Jack the Ripper impresses itself on the German as the result of English sex erso (they forget their own Peter Kurten). But is there not something impressive about these rippers? They are like beasts of prey.

qq131 One sided sexual excitement is the source of that frustration from which spring feelings of murderous hatred. The healthy minded reaction is to try to attract, i.e. not to assume indifference of the other as the norm. It is to assume that if you feel sexually aroused then she does too, potentially, it is to feel sexually involved and active. H.'s normal assumption is that they feel completely indifferent to him sexually. So the more they excite him the more he is liable to feel aggressive hostility which may find relief through what he can consider as violation.

qq154 Every man's need to find sex emotional consummation. Repeated failure is a torment and a searing wound Yet there are different ways in which it might be achieved. Failure is in itself a kind of consummation, a medium for self assertion. To like oneself for one's very weakness.

qq65 Trial of Yorkshire Ripper. If one says one understands why he did as he did....to many people this would mean one is a bad person sick in mind etc etc...The fiery wrathful quality needs to be counteracted by the sweet waters of sympathy. H. feels hated and despised by women. Profoundly excluded. Women dress and bare themselves to attract but not him. He feels they are indifferent to him. How he feels on a beach. Sexual desire is all one way. There are those he hates and those he despises. …

qq8& Sexual puritanism. The establishment of a high number of diverse taboos within the sexual sphere. Becoming sexually liberated involves the overcoming of taboos which you hardly even saw as such.

rr1& In the old days when society treated girls who are 'too easy' with a certain contempt, Q. feels he would have felt much more comfortable about associating with them. He would not have shared society's contempt but he would be able to feel a sympathy with them because of it. It is the moralisation of promiscuity that is so uncomfortable. Or so he feels sometimes. The girl is firm in her pride, but it is not a pride that has been fought for against the odds, but one that has the backing of society....He tends to go against what is accepted.

rr111 Sexual frustration more prevalent in England than in other western countires. Prostitution relegated to the lowest fringes of society. If one cannot fuck one needs to wank. One needs something to wank about. Destruction of the potency of all wank triggers would be very distressing. One will naturally abhor any attempt to disvalue one's own experience. Thus we can sympathise with Muslim fundamentalists. It is insulting and disagreeable to be told to disvalue your experience.

rr192 Old attitude towards orgiastic sex. Changed by sourings. I do seek reconciliation, forgiveness, not to receive it for I have no need of it but to give it. We must ask not to be forgiven but to forgive, in the end that is only after one's vengeful impulses have run their allotted course. Sexual freedom. Obvious difficulties one runs into but might that not be because we have not effected a proper separation of parts? We separate parts in ritual. Instead of psychotherapy offer rituals so that certain objects of the will can be obtained separately and in isolation from normally attached values.

rr49& To approach people at a party without antagonism. For a start imagine all the women there without their clothes. Immediately they would all cease to be so hateful. Some biological reflex would make me feel protective. This only if they had all their clothes off. As the flower is the most desirable feature of a plant, so the buttocks of an attractive woman. This if we can forget about the way in which buttock can also repel so strongly. Speed seems to promote philistine, plebeian, and healthy minded thought. Narrow focus, undervalue sickness…

rr60 Narrow boundary between compliment and insult. To continue further may be to feel insulted. Insulted by a compliment. Insult, the feeling of being grossly undervalued. Feeling that all you stand for, all your ideas are being set aside as worthless...To allow yourself to be flattered could be dangerous. For you may be misled into the idea that she accepts your own valuation. You may even put yourself in her power by according respect to her judgement (a way of boosting yourself) once she realised you had become dependent on her judgement for your self esteem, she would despise you for a fool etc etc.

rr66 How far can anyone be open without revealing himself to be a most unspeakable pervert?....how many of those who do not feel that simply show how thoroughly they have absorbed their conditioning? Sex is repressed more than ever. The policing of sex. At least before it was a Dionysian reservoir, now all that was bad is supposed to be good, with only the minimum (but significant) of prohibition. Pleasure taken in the stimulation of strong emotion and in the bsevto of thcoseit takes whn s ever it is thwarted. Learning to value excitements in what you Mayo have calledbumr.

rr87 In approaching girls a more insolent eroticism. I do not know if I would ever want to enjoy parties in a conventional way anymore than I want to enjoy life in a conventional way. But consider when talking with women how to get the conversation onto an erotic subject.

ss10 While one may be very tolerant in a legal sense one may still have contempt for certain practices. This is a natural compulsion it is probably bad to resist it. In its completeness,  sexual life is a swarming chaos. You assert your own values, your own standards by rejecting others. You also tend to reject the people who fail to abide by the standards you have selected. This is all fair enough. Certain options appear to go with certain values, applicable to life in general. It may be bad that in our culture there is a strong presumption that the only sex worth anything is with a willing partner. Socialism, gregarious social spirit.

ss139 Modern use of sex in sex education and in Sweden. Totalitarian implications, sex as defuser, object being to get everyone to abide by an ideology, encourage them to believe that every rising excitement, any combination between people inspired by a vision of something better than the life officially prescribed, has its consummation in the excitement of sex… this is a way of defusing the combinations that Rousseau so feared. But a sense of movement, a sense of hope for something better.

ss192 Sex and self confidence. Decadence in is the kind of sex that can strip you of your power. In praising woman one must not praise her too much, in her unique individuality. Sex must be subject to my power my own power. This to determine whether a particular manifestation of female sexuality is a good or a bad thing. Casual sex can be very debasing. It is possible to however to imagine forms of casual sex that are not at all debasing.

ss88 I am for the liberation of sexual energy, and in that I include what is normally regarded as perverted or deviant sexual energy. I am opposed to the imposition of a norm....I am not keen on our present culture of sexual titillation. Excess of eroticism and nudity in advertising. p.3 of Sun. Gay propaganda. Perhaps it is plebeian coarseness that creates a new sex obsessed culture that is primarily frustrating. One need people have is to satisfy sexual impulses without messing up other aspects of life. Propose an artistic cult involving ritualised sexuality. The ritual belongs to the sphere of the sacred…

tt150 T., having had syphilis and several broken hearts, says these days the image of woman conjures up ideas of disease and deceit. Parties. Women who go to parties deliberately hoping to get screwed by a stranger...the pretence that tacit agreement where people make allowances for each other's pretentiousness... it tends to enshrine a lot of modern ideas...if you change the ideas you change the foundation of her self isolating conceit....repressed desire of women to be whores. Imagine the excitement a woman might feel at a party, the relationship she might have with herself as whore.

tt155 Parties, there are things going on at them they are potentially a very exciting environment. ...self images, how people care so much about what other people think of them. Playing the game of false self images. I suppose I feel I ought to make a daemonic impression. But who is interested? Concerned with their own self images....why an impression at all? Because otherwise it all seems such a waste of time. And it is arousing but frustrating, and to pretend that trivial conversation makes it all worthwhile is a lie. What release? Sex if you could manage to find some. Girls stronger than me. My flaw not tragic.

tt177 Programme for sex education for girls, all naked, given by gym mistress 'You may have been brought up to believe that certain parts of the body are shameful...you have now reached an age where you have to reassess some of the attitudes inherited from childhood....bottoms, breasts etc are most intensely beautiful etc etc. unsuitable for boys whose impulse is to rebel against society. Happily the instruction of the boys could be left to experience and to the girls.

tt19 Divorce, fidelity, monogamy, polygamy. Monogamy unsatisfactory. Reichianism also unsatisfactory because leading to superficiality of commitment, social atomism. The basic fact about sexual relations  that sex is war. Divorce may be becoming more or less normal. That does not make it less unpleasant but it does not make it undesirable. Divorce not to be seen a failure, it is a phase in battle. The objective is not something selfishly isolating like personal fulfilment. The objective of the will does not include divorce. Divorce is a setback for the will, but in war setbacks are to be expected.

tt79& The misogyny barrier. Need for a bit more love. To see a woman naked can defuse aggressive feelings unless she is some prickteaser like those French girls I met in Sweden. In their case it was something like abuse of a signal. It suggested contempt rather than vulnerability. It was not really contempt but a kind of masturbatory infantilism. Perhaps you could all it a culture clash.

tt92& Freud's work in overthrowing sexual repression as counterproductive, The guilt attached to sex, especially perverted sex has spread to all the spheres where unconscious motivation is supposed to operate. Erotic pleasures of punishment well understood in the eighteenth century. Modern deerotisisation of life which is responsible for a lot of unnecessary pain and alienation. Prohibition on the pleasure in punishment, which is an extension of the prohibition on sexual perversion, actually results in increasing some forms of cruelty and suffering. Judges instead of imposing a role as victim

uu201 Ideology invades the sexual sphere. Sexual difficulties as logical difficulties. Ideology as providing the foundation for social interaction. a strengthening of the ethos of conformism gives strength to the individuals identified with that ethos. Sexual freedom. Attempt to devalue the emotional side of sex by reducing the power of mind to influence mind, largely dependent on the shared acceptance of a common ideology. I believe in sexual freedom but not in the style that is becoming established.

uu22 Womanising, sexual conquest, seduction is an admirable form of power. Some forms of promiscuity, however, sacrifice a lot of the power element for the sex element. Some women demand a sacrifice before they give of their favours, they demand a genuine respect for their opinions and their point of view. Men who yield to this are what men call shallow, as distinct from what women call shallow. This insistence on respect for each others point of view is what is so atomising, it is a kind of moral inhibition.

uu90 The child's world is dominated by Anteros. His sexual instincts are repressed, so instead he is confronted with a lot of feelings of repulsion. Sex's shitty backside. Repression of the sex instinct means a great strengthening of the emotion of repulsion. Repulsion comes to be a feeling that sets the keynote for a lot of experience. It pervades everything. Some people take an erotic pleasure in the idea of coercion. Homosexuality of Policemen. Also said to have been prevalent among early socialists. Homosexuality repressed and unrepressed creating a repulsive atmosphere.

vv131 Notoriously the most prudish are the most sexual. Strength of feeling. Puritanism. Dislike of not having clear principles to act upon, of being guided by others. This may indicate a powerful organism, a strong sexuality. Sex seems disgusting to the virgin adolescent. Desirable and disgusting, desirable because disgusting. He rejects those who tell him it is beautiful. He does not want beauty. The beautiful is felt as oppression. Other people's experience. He does not want to have to unlearn all he has learnt, to be left completely at sea at the mercy of other people's idea. etc etc

vv134 Sexual radicals, Freud etc. wrong about sexual repression. The attempt to establish univalencey of sex. Asceticism has its uses at times. Every idea breeds its corresponding antithesis. The sense of the disgusting is as much part of human experience as the sense of the beautiful.

vv27 Gissing quote. Aesthetic enjoyment of natural beauty including aesthetic enjoyment of the sexual. Full aesthetic enjoyment of the manifestations of the sexual instinct and of human nakedness. This is only possible if the negative aspect is equally acknowledged. The cruelty and repulsiveness of sex have to be acknowledged, recognised even honoured. Repressed they will contaminate the whole.

vv56 Parents attitude to their child's sexuality. Child's resentment of this. The ideas that your elders patronisingly assume that they understand what you are going through. Sometimes you condescend to let them think you think that your experience is the same as theirs was. But you know they are really innocents before the fall .. Healthy sexuality of latins ....pattern laid out for you which promises great joy, rooted in elementary natural realities... sex itself became a problem but one could almost say I willed it to be a problem because of my urge to originality. Rebellious aggression of youth.

vv94 Sexual relationships, mental domination, common ideology. I look at an attractive woman and feel annoyed that I should be irrelevant to her. I think of her sexually. If I get to know her, at all, unless she is the wife of a very close friend, I will rehearse in my mind possible scenarios for getting her into bed. ... not to share an ideology but to dominate mentally. The only alternative to one party dominating is for both to share the same ideas. The idea that I am weak, that I am simply not up to scratch in the sexual rat race is completely unacceptable to me.

vv96 How can you respect silly idiotic half baked ideas? A sexual relationship is something intimate, how can a fundamental clash of values be tolerated? For relations to be possible without mental domination they would either have to be completely trivialised (as homosexual cottaging) or values would have to be homogenised. To do this the degree of aggression that leads to dissidence and even bloodymindedness would have to be stigmatised.

xx161 Advancing beyond the beauty of the wildwood, one is called upon to shape a beauty out of love and sex. That is not at all easy. As a drive demanding fulfilment, sex does not particularly seem to demand or require an aesthetic appreciation But to disregard that is again to be enslaved....enjoyment of the beautiful involves a sense of mastery. Mastery not only of what happens but of the way in which I pas hpe.

xx185 Gnostic celibacy. Might certain forms of celibacy be appropriate and suitable response to certain social conditions? On the most obvious level, to an epidemic of venereally transmitted diseases? Or feminist sexual colonisation. ie on sexual activity in society being charged with an unacceptable and inescapable value. Modern homosexuality partly a learnt system of response. Pornography now well integrated into mainstream society, not long ago it was strongly associated with shame and inadequacy.

xx289 The beautiful in nature and art as offering the best release from the tension, frustration and confusion normally associated with living. The liberation of sex, revelation of the beautiful in the sexual, of one's own particular tastes and desires finding release in a fashion that is able to carry a powerful aesthetic charge.

xx295 Difficulties of the sexual problem throughout the world. Turgenev's First Love. Effect of some other values and conventions that existed at a certain time. Swinburne and his flagellatory obsession, generally regarded as unfortunate and embarrassing yet it was this that helped put him so much in touch with the Greeks. It gave him a certain hyperaesthesia which is similar to what the Greeks gave themselves with their nudist cult. Critobulos, Phryne.

xx298& Silliness of students. Sexiness of leftist culture. Silly but sexy, some silly girl confident and powerful awe inspiring. As an 18 or 19 year old women a little older than myself making me shy, even seeming somehow wise.

xx311 Callow youth. Aggressively certain of his values. Yet more insecure than he realises. Take his concept of sexual liberation. Monovalency and need to conform to an image (masculine, feminine, or even mere queer, image). Youth's contempt for what obstructs its values. Later one learns of tributary streams from which great pleasure may be obtained. Youth is direct because it needs to be strong and confident.

xx358& Sexual shame. Child peer group pressure. Shame about feelings associated with nakedness. I have been long ashamed of people knowing some of my desires. Ashamed of my narcissism for example. Great desire I had for women to look at my arse. Bad trip fears, to rush out into a crowded street going up to women pointing to my bare arse and asking them to look at it. The degradation would lie in that my childish, ludicrous & embarrassing desires would be made known...

xx94 Delight in the physical details. Easy slide into the ludicrous or the disgusting as other interests arise. So the sexual needs to be put into some kind of symbolism. Hence all the poeticised sexuality of chivalry. I would not mean to reduce everything to sex. Nor is the symbolism anything to do with guilt or repression. This mediaeval symbolism read aright is a form of lyricism. side by side with the love stories and the chivalrous love idiom there is the deeper and more immediate symbolism of objects and bodily parts. Sexual itself is a symbol of human happiness.......

yy13 Age 14, having recently started to masturbate on subjects such as mother & sister seeing me naked. Also I had a small collection of photographs of naked women. Harrison Marks booklets some in colour together with one illegal obscene photograph which I generally found less exciting than the other. What is more normal and healthy than a 14 year old having booklets of naked women to masturbate to? Yet I was brought up in an atmosphere in which this entirely natural activity was thought of as dirty and wrong. Nothing more shameful about a 14 year wanking to such stuff than about a 23 year old living in conjugal bliss.....

yy163 Thinking of myself in my twenties I think of such things as my disastrous failure at parties, the failure of various sexual ambitions, encounter with various repellent lifestyles, feeling that in many circles social success seems to require a surrender to the spirit of that generation. Presuppositions the shared attitudes upon which the culture of casual promiscuity appears to rest.

yy180 Aggressive feelings on Tube, wondering how women feel towards the men they see. Men make me feel combative, aggressive, though a physical coward. In that I am like a tomcat or other type of male animal. Like repels like. I stare at women with aggressive feelings. I see mad old women, repulsively ugly, wonder how they feel what they feel how they think they are seen what they worry about. etc. etc

yy228 Sometimes people invest all their pride in some fixed system of values, some ideology. See how it makes promiscuity feasible, removes some of the danger, with shared common values you know where you are. So much less to fear from mind against mind. So much the less to learn. Preserve your pride, your self image, intact.

yy365& In Sex in the Soviet Union  ( Stern & Stern),  idea of sex as revolt among young people. Even the old orgy principle, one might envisage the acquirement of a socio-sexual skill such as would leave all one's values intact. Or alternatively one might invade the idea of sex with one's own values and reform movement. This may put women off, probably will, but it is a form of self expression.

yy383 Sacerdotal celibacy. One of the most repellent things about Christianity, but I also sense moral authoritarianism behind the ideas of someone like Reich. A morality which says free love is acceptable may be as bad as one which says it is not acceptable. It is equivalent to declaring all contracts invalid. This is fine for those in a present position where they want to break contracts they have entered into, but overall it lessens freedom because it attempts to make something impossible which was previously possible.

zz142& While from a long term 'biographical point of view' it is necessary some of your desires be satisfied it is not true of all of them. To say that your biography, or your four dimensional self, has balls. Sexual pathology Krafft Ebing, Havelock Ellis riddled with error. Creative uses to which the energies may be put.

zz156 Sex, friendship, sexual energy, homosexuality. Degradation of the sex instinct in modern theories, making penetration, the whole object of life. Loyalties, friendship between males slandered as homosexuality. Yet there is a great variety of possible human relations. The sexual copulatory is but one, and it is not always wise to think of it as necessarily the best.

zz174 Church Fathers, surely the strangest collection of men ever to win historical acclaim. Not primitives but extreme decadents. So repellent, these superstitious, fear ridden, anti sexual minds. ....no doubt they had their pleasures and enjoyments but one of their most odious aspects is their twisted sexuality. Early Benedictines finding relief through constant whipping of little boys. Jerome's obsession with virgins. Augustinian guilt… Bloomsbury culture. Viciously bisexually promiscuous genteelly confusing sexual feelings ....Diogenes view that it is better to wank.

zz18 Thought disorder concerning promiscuous women. Strange idea that I would have less chance with one of them than with one who is not promiscuous. Feeling with the promiscuous one that I have to compete with a great number of other men... not so much that even... to be more precise feeling that having had such a number and variety of men she has less motive for showing any interest in me. As one of crowd I stand no chance. Why pick me out even for a moment?....etc

zz190 Sex and the rudeness of sex. Sartre's hatred of his childhood. What one needs to surmount, to outgrow. Changes of attitude as one grows older. The usefulness of various taboos and voluntary restrictions. The abhorrence of chaos. The Pearl. Childhood rudeness. Elder brother younger sister. The world of the naughty and the rude, of guilt and shame. Such life hardly to be affirmed.

zz266 Of rushes of feeling good. When I speak of the beautiful and uplifting sight of the naked woman's back  in the sunlight I mean I get a kind of emotional rush as can be got from a snort of speed or cocaine. It is not at all that I feel a desire to rush up and embrace or rape her. I really feel profoundly that this is one of the most beautiful things, perhaps the most beautiful provided the circumstances are such as to apprehend it right. One requires an absence of certain disturbing emotions that is all. Schopenhauer etc.

zz329 The idea that humanity has long been in a complete sexual mess is not necessarily true. The sexual instinct is one of the servitors of the will to power. There is a style of promiscuity that is not at all the expression of superior vitality. Inhibitions on sexuality sometimes serve a positive function.

zz337 Reflect that sexual liberation has not really happened yet in Protestant Europe...As we English are in the habit of suppressing our emotions, we cannot easily find fulfilment through love in the way that the latins do. Are we not still emotionally inhibited and guilt ridden? Look at our feminist movement. It is as if sexuality is not so much liberated as reinvented. An idealised pattern of sexuality is conceived, with an ideal set of emotional reactions. For the English lovemaking is not the place where complete emotional release is found. For us it is drunkenness with a touch of hooliganism.

zz350 Sex and power. Sex as will. The greater the incompatibility with the world outside, the greater the triumph of will involved in success. Successful seduction. If the outside world is radically incompatible with oneself, getting satisfaction of one's desires is a greater achievement of power than if one finds oneself naturally in harmony with it. All the questions this raises…

zz354 Institutions, universities, sex. Gregariousness as degrading thought, development of a collective way of thinking offering all kinds of immediate rewards like sex. Adolescent experience of sex can bring tremendous change. Individuality can lose its importance, you may be happy to submerge your individuality for the sake of something more exciting. Actual idea of the sacrifice of individuality. This is actually an ideal, a positive thought or philosophical principle. Such sacrifice as being rewarded in various ways.

zz48 The sadist as a man who gets no feedback, ie he does not feel himself to exert any influence. His lack of sexual confidence as an expression of his singularity. ........sexual self confidence depending upon feedback, sense of approval and general effectiveness.

zz50& Nature has implanted in H. an attraction for the opposite sex. The feeling experienced is one that demands reciprocation, more than that he should even be found attractive physically, but that he should be affirmed in his being. He suffers from a general lack of self confidence in his ability to achieve this effect. So the whole instinct is in disharmony. In a different society he should have used prostitutes & be much the better for it. There is one thing to be said for the way it used to be when sex belonged to the bad, when it belongs to the ordinary & the virtuous, they tend to impose their conditions upon it.

aw81 Christian God anti-sex. Legend of the Fall. Chastity. Onan. Jewish pro sexuality. Sexual excitement and the temptation to invoke God.


aw83 Nudity and sex. When people deny the connection between nudity and sex.. Obviously nudism between men and women is far from devoid of sexual feeling, but nor are normal relations. Sexual feeling underlies all pleasantness, all warmth and good manners. Add nudity without the expectation and these are merely strengthened, or they could be. Overcome the taboo and one is not led into any sort of depravity, rather a delightful innocence.. It doesn’t make you pure, you may be very impure, but in that respect you are not.


aw161 So called sexual revolution. Give power to women you take it away from men.  Those who benefit from a revolution judge it good, and assert this as a universal good. Knowing it is possible to see it as good, they feel it can be universalised, As indeed it can, but with obstacles of varying difficulty in the way.